Police Dispatch 

Itchin' for a Mission

His mission is on a need-to-know basis, also he has presidential authority.

His mission is on a need-to-know basis, also he has presidential authority.

UA Area, March 9, 1:06 p.m.

A zealous, hyper-seeming man was found wandering the University of Arizona stadium on a "mission" nobody could figure out, according to a UA Police Department report.

Someone called the UAPD about a male near the Arizona Stadium's athletic training room "banging on the glass" of a door, "talking about weapons" and refusing to leave.

Officers found the man in the same place, dressed in khakis and a button-up shirt, declaring that he was "on a mission" and "had presidential authority to be there."

Seemingly familiar with military deportment, he alternated between "standing at attention" and "parade rest" during interview.

He denied recent drug use but said he "was upset with St. Mary's Hospital because a nurse there gave him methamphetamine this morning."

Officers were ready to release the subject after informing him "there were no military/government buildings on the UA campus where presidential meetings were held and he should only use the campus for its intended purpose (class, sporting events, etc.)."

Unfortunately for him, they had to take him to jail upon learning he had a warrant out for his arrest for assault and disorderly conduct.

More by Anna Mirocha

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