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Diva Derelict

click to enlarge I spy with my little drunk eye...

I spy with my little drunk eye...

San Xavier Beat

Dec. 25, 8:12 p.m.

An amped-up, intoxicated woman wearing binoculars was apprehended after a Christmas evening of antics, treating other people's property—including a truck and a phone—as her own, causing a convenience store's customers much inconvenience (to say the least), according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Responding to a southeast-side Circle K, a sheriff's deputy met with a man who said he'd been sitting in a truck in the parking lot, waiting for his girlfriend to buy things inside, when suddenly a strange woman appeared at his window and tried to open the car door and hop in; luckily he'd been able to lock it immediately.

He said earlier he'd seen this woman—of medium height, wearing a ponytail, a sweater and a pair of binoculars dangling from her neck—"trying to talk to customers in front of the Circle K," panhandling or for some other reason trying to make conversation with strangers. Meanwhile she kept oddly picking up her binoculars and peering through them at people. The reportee deemed her drunk or on drugs, saying "she did not seem to be all there."

After he'd failed to welcome her into his truck, she started screaming curses at him through its cracked-open window; when he commanded her to get away, she actually complied—but only long enough to allow his girlfriend to return. Just as he was telling his partner about the "crazy lady ... out there," she reappeared, started yelling again, and threw a large unknown object that hit their truck as they sped away.

The reporting officer located the woman easily, still outside the Circle K, now engaged with a man who "appeared to be somewhat confused ... at her body language."

The man said she'd just come up and grabbed his cell phone out of his hand while he was talking on it, rambling about needing to use the phone, before demanding that he give her all the clothing he was wearing because "those were her clothes."

When the deputy asked her where the cell phone was, she just stared at him blankly, saying, "What phone?" He couldn't find it upon a search of the grocery bag she carried, though he did smell a lot of booze on her breath, concluding she was under the influence of "at least alcohol." When he asked if she'd been drinking, "she seemed to be bothered by the question" and didn't answer—then decided to try and simply walk away. At this point, with help from a backup officer, the deputy stopped her and handcuffed her, stating "she would not be going anywhere."

After reading the woman her rights in his patrol car, the deputy informed her of people's complaints about her behavior that night. Her response: "What motherfuckers are saying this shit?"

After the initial reportee sent photos of damage to his truck from whatever she'd thrown at it, and the stolen cell phone was finally found inside her "bra area," deputies had probable cause to take her to jail, where she was booked for disorderly conduct, criminal damage and theft.

More by Anna Mirocha

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