ALMOST A COMPLETE BREAKFAST
NORTH WHALEBACK PLACE
AUG. 30, 7:09 A.M.
A northeast-side homeowner awoke one morning to find his home covered in random food items, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
The reportee said he was jarred awake that morning by his daughter screaming that their house had been destroyed. He went outside to find that the walls, windows and doors of his house, and the driveway, were covered in broken raw eggs. He also said that fish had been placed on the ground in front of his garage doors, and that Hawaiian Punch had been splashed all over his garage doors.
Outside the house, the deputy found two empty fish cases from Fry's grocery store, a large empty Hawaiian Punch bottle, empty egg cartons and an empty peanut-butter container. It was not yet known at that time what had been done with the peanut butter.
The victim could not think of anyone who would ruin his house like this, and there were no witnesses. Staff members at the nearest Fry's did not remember anyone buying the specific items.
GLORY IN THE HEIST
EAST PASEO OTONO
AUG. 29, 12:59 P.M.
An elderly woman was apparently visited by thieves masquerading as angels, a PCSD report stated.
The woman said she paid a company to send people to her home for company and help around the house, since she is elderly, and her husband was ill.
Lately, she said, she noticed odd items going missing during the time a person came to help. Among the items: a child's "Leap Frog" video game, an entertainment coupon book valued at $35, two restaurant gift cards, a change purse, and miscellaneous food items.
The reportee discontinued use of the services.
TWO KINDS OF RIP-OFF
SEPT. 12, 7:05 P.M.
A UA football-game attendee landed in jail after refusing to pay for a $5 bag of popcorn, a UA Police Department report stated.
An officer working the game saw a female arguing with a vendor, who said the female had taken a bag of popcorn and eaten some without paying for it. She began calling the vendor a "fucking asshole," and the officer told her she would be arrested if she did not pay.
The female would not cooperate, saying, "Fuck you! It's just a fucking bag of popcorn!" As she was yelling at him, the officer smelled alcohol on her breath.
When she was discovered to be only 18 years old, she was arrested for both theft and underage drinking. She admitted drinking two Keystone Light beers.