Police Dispatch 

Pissed on the Wrong Things, Pissed Off the Wrong People

East University Boulevard

Aug. 25, 8:26 a.m.

A non-student essentially living at the University of Arizona's Main Library—who was definitely crushing on one of the custodians—was busted for urinating on two of the bathroom's floor and walls, a UA Police Department report said.

A UA officer got a call from the library stating that a man "dressed as a Hasidic Jew, wearing a black hat, robe and a long beard" was spotted "urinating in public" on the fifth floor.

The library's building manager told the officer that the subject had been sleeping in some study rooms, ignoring numerous warnings not to. Worse (much worse), he said, the man was strongly suspected of having peed on the floor and walls inside the fourth- and fifth-floor bathrooms: A custodian had reported finding the urine in both bathrooms, and security footage showed the subject to have been the only person on those floors just before the urine damage (estimated at a cost of $1,000) was found.

The custodian who'd had to deal with the urine had also allegedly found the man's toenail clippings on a study-room table, and she said she'd seen him "rub his bare feet on tabletops."

The same female custodian reported that the subject had "asked if he could take her out for champagne;" she politely said no, thanks, she was married.

UA officers located the man still in the library and banned him from the property for six months. The report didn't mention how he was dressed at that time.

More by Anna Mirocha


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