Police Dispatch

In the Wee-Wee Hours...

East Sixth Street

Aug. 22, 12:56 p.m.

A heavy-sleeping University of Arizona freshman awoke to discover—in a most unfortunate manner—that someone had entered her dorm room at night and left behind some pretty gross proof of the visit, according to a UA Police Department report.

The young woman met with a UA officer where she lived at Navajo-Pinal Residence Hall, 1557 E. Sixth St., telling him that when she came home late the night before, she could've sworn her door had been locked, as usual.

But that morning, she said, she woke up around 8 to a strong smell of urine. Grabbing some supplies to clean up whatever was causing the odor, near a storage bin she found a condom wrapper with holes poked through it. Luckily, she couldn't find an actual condom (used or not) anywhere.

Very unluckily, however, when she took a moment to ponder the situation, sitting in a desk chair covered in white furry fabric, she immediately felt a strange wetness seep from the fur into her clothing. She leapt off the chair—which she now understood was drenched with pee—and noticed that two notebooks and one of her shirts had been tossed on the floor, also covered in urine. Her laptop had been set on the floor near the notebooks but, by another small mercy, appeared piss free.

She said she didn't have school enemies, and she'd been told this hadn't been a sorority-sister prank. She was still debating whether to press charges at the time of the report.

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