Police Dispatch



APRIL 19, 3:59 P.M.

An elderly woman's unrequited love for a younger man may have driven her to unlawfully enter his residence, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The victim explained he was not positive that someone had actually entered his residence, but the house key formerly hidden on his porch was definitely missing. He believed the key thief was a 70-year-old woman who was stalking him.

He had met the woman, he said, over the Internet, and had been visiting her, but they were in no way romantically involved, since she is much older than he is. But she began to have "intimate feelings toward him," he said, so he told her he did not share those feelings and severed contact. Soon after, she began calling him and said she wanted to visit, although he told her not to. That morning, he saw her parked in front of his house in a cab for 10 minutes. When he arrived home from work that day, his spare key was gone.

None of the reportee's belongings were missing, but he thought the woman had entered his house, looked around and left. The reporting deputy advised him to get an injunction against harassment and order of protection, which he considered. However, he hesitated, because she was "a very sweet old lady," and he did not want to hurt her feelings.



APRIL 15, 10:41 A.M.

A hung-over handyman accused a frail old gentleman of committing an assault, a PCSD report said.

The reportee said he had been working for an elderly man, doing odd jobs, and the man had lent him a go-cart. Unfortunately, during a bout of partying the night before, the reportee's girlfriend crashed the go-cart into a brick wall.

When he arrived to work for the man that morning—admittedly late and reeking of stale alcohol—he showed his employer the wrecked go-cart, he said. The senior then got very mad, hitting him hard in the chin three times, using "the F-word" and running him off, he said.

The deputy went to the elderly man's house and found that he was 70 and in "very, very poor health," unsteady on his feet and in need of an oxygen tank. As he was talking to the deputy, his bare feet turned blue (apparently from a lack of oxygen). He told the deputy he had hit the reportee once, but only after the reportee had hit him.

Considering that the accused attacker could barely stand or breathe on his own—and that the reportee's alleged injury "looked more like a popped pimple than anything"—the reporting deputy told the reportee to have no further contact with his former employer, and arrested neither man.