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Police Dispatch 

We Can't Handle This Vandal

North Park Avenue

August 11, 7:37 p.m.

A college student was beyond scandalized when her car was vandalized—with graffiti perhaps even more offensive in its inanity than in its content, according to a University of Arizona Police Department report.

A UA officer met the victim where she'd last parked, a quiet spot that also happened to be across the street from a popular liquor store. The young woman was so (understandably) distraught that she couldn't stop crying.

Besides making a large dent near the vehicle's trunk, possibly using a rock, someone had marred the car's metallic blue paint job by scrawling asinine obscenities like "bitch," "dick" and "suck me off" alongside numerous doodles of male genitalia.

The vandal(s) had struck that afternoon, according to a previous passer-by, but unfortunately nobody had seen them in action, nor had the liquor store's security camera captured any useful footage. The victim knew nobody whom she thought could've been responsible.

She was given a "courtesy ride" home while her parents came to retrieve this most discourteously defaced vehicle.

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