Police Dispatch 

Piss Artist

North Euclid Ave.

August 14, 11:45 a.m.

A man who'd allegedly urinated in public concocted a near-plausible story that he hadn't been peeing but pouring "rancid" liquid from a bottle, a University of Arizona Police Department report said.

A UAPD officer approached the University Services Building, 888 N. Euclid Ave., where someone had reported an older male urinating near a garbage can.

He found the subject and confronted him about the urination, which the man explained by saying he'd only been "pouring rancid water out of his water bottle" onto the ground—exactly where the officer had found a large wet spot (indeed near a trash can).

Luckily for the officer, he didn't need to smell the damp spot or otherwise seek proof that it was human urine, not "rancid water"—since he soon learned the man already had three warrants out for his arrest. The officer handcuffed him and brought him to jail for his previous infractions.

More by Anna Mirocha


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