Police Dispatch

Don't Let Her Baby-Sit

North Royal Palm Drive, Nov. 26, 7:23 a.m.

A mentally unstable woman with a good memory for songs caused trouble by consorting with children in her neighborhood, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

A northwest-side homeowner told a deputy that his across-the-street neighbor, a 37-year-old female, came to his house early that morning and said she had his son's skateboard. She would give it back, she said, when his son either returned a pen of hers or paid $200 to replace it. Her neighbor had no idea what she was talking about and commanded her to leave, which she eventually did, while stating that she was going to keep his son's skateboard until she got her $200.

The reportee told the deputy that the woman often trespassed on his property and refused to leave, and she frequently contacted neighborhood children, offering to give them things or to do things for them. He did not want her talking to his son.

The reporting deputy then interviewed the woman, whose statements were sometimes clear and logical, and were other times indecipherable or completely nonsensical, the report said. She often spoke in rhyme or verse, sometimes reciting song lyrics. She informed the reporting deputy that she knew, verbatim, the words to 400 Grateful Dead songs.

She said she was an artist and was drawing a design on the skateboard, which she would return as soon as she was done decorating it, and when the boy returned her previously mentioned pen or gave her $200. She then dug a child-size skateboard out of an enormous pile of clothing in her bedroom; it was confiscated.

Told that she had a warrant out for her arrest, the woman began to get hysterical and referenced a recent stay at St. Mary's Hospital, during which one patient allegedly threatened to cut her fingers off. She was transported to jail; throughout the car trip, she alternately cried, panicked, laughed, joked, prayed to God and Jesus and recited song verses.

The Can Caper

East Benson Highway, Nov. 25, 2:32 p.m.

A trailer-park pariah was banned from the community after allegedly stealing aluminum cans, according to a PCSD report.

The reporting deputy arrived at the scene to interview the victim, who was upset because she had left her home for a short time and returned to find that she was missing all of her aluminum cans, which had been stacked near her door.

Her neighbor told her they had been stolen by a young, red-haired, pregnant female staying as a guest in Space No. 4--a woman who had apparently been causing other trouble in the trailer park, too.

The young woman unconvincingly denied wrongdoing, but was asked to leave the park anyway. The cans were valued at approximately $5.

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