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The Faucets Have Ears

East Orange Grove Road, Aug. 15, 9:13 a.m.

An apartment-dwelling man awoke one morning to find an unknown woman locked in his bathroom talking to his bathroom fixtures, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Deputies reported to the residence and heard sobbing coming from the bathroom. The bathroom door opened, and a frazzled female exited, babbling incoherently and saying that the bathroom sinks were talking to her.

The resident said he had been woken up by the sound of crying coming from his bathroom. The person inside, he said, seemed to be talking to the water faucets and other fixtures in the bathroom. It was determined that the subject had entered the residence through the sliding-glass back door.

In the bathroom, deputies found two syringes, a charred spoon with a suspicious substance in it and a bag containing female hygiene products and makeup. The woman was arrested for criminal trespassing and possession of drug paraphernalia.


A Doggone Shame

West Flying Circle Street, Aug. 15, 8:29 a.m.

An 87-year-old man waved a gun at paramedics and threatened to kill his own dog for barking too much, said a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Deputies were called to the subject's house by the Drexel Heights Fire District, which had sent paramedics in response to a call from the subject's ill wife. Paramedics reported that when they got to the residence, the subject's dog would not stop barking, and the subject was waving a gun around, apparently trying to shoot the animal. The paramedics feared for their safety.

When deputies arrived, they took the gun, a loaded Makarov 9-millimeter. When questioned, the subject declared he had indeed been planning to kill his dog. The reporting deputy informed him that he could not do that, at which point the man became verbally abusive and agitated, retorting, "You cannot tell me what to do with my dog! I can kill my dog whenever I want! I'll go kill him right now!"

The man's Makarov and several other firearms were confiscated. Seeing his dog being taken away by Pima County Animal Control, the subject insisted on keeping his pet. Reminded of his earlier statements about killing it, he said that he makes those statements all the time--toward people and his dog--but he never really means them. He was cited for disorderly conduct involving a gun.

The next day, the reporting deputy received a call from the subject, who was distraught because his wife was in the hospital, and he was lonely without his dog. "Why are you punishing the dog instead of me?" he said. Asked if he wanted any services, he said no, and to have a nice day, before hanging up.

More by Anna Mirocha

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