Police Dispatch

Not Afraid to Show It

UA Area, Aug. 9, 12:18 a.m.

An extremely intoxicated man made no attempt to conceal his state from law enforcement after a night of partying, said a University of Arizona Police Department report.

A UA officer was called in reference to a black Dodge Ram that had been driving on the wrong side of the street and directly into oncoming traffic. The officer found the vehicle pulled over in a parking lot, but before he could approach, the driver exited the truck and immediately fell to the ground on his stomach. He gradually pulled himself up by grabbing on to the truck's floorboard, and then its steering wheel and armrest. The reporting officer noticed the young man had urinated all over himself.

When asked for his driver's license, the subject had to let go of the armrest, causing him to fall again. When he finally obtained his wallet, he could not extract his license from it, though it was clearly visible. Handing the wallet to the officer, he said, "Here, you get it."

He could not retrieve his proof of registration or insurance because he could not open the glove box.

Asked to perform field sobriety tests, the subject refused, saying, "I ain't doing no tests. You're just going to arrest me anyway, because I'm drunk." Breath tests reportedly confirmed this.

"I'm just really drunk," the subject later repeated, requesting a taxi cab. Asked if he possessed enough cash to pay for the cab, the subject said, "Man, I'm so drunk, I can't remember how much cash I got. Those girls at the titty bar really cleaned me out. Where the fuck am I again?"

Once it was determined that the subject had enough cash to get home, he was cited and released to the custody of Yellow Cab.

One Man's Trash

West Limberlost Drive, July 27, 4:16 p.m.

A thrift-store owner complaining of stolen merchandise soon found it in plain sight--in a friend's yard, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

The victim reported that he had been displaying a water cooler and a futon outside of his business. After leaving them unattended for a period of time, he heard from his landlady that she had seen them go by on a truck. Walking a short way down the alley near his store, the victim found both items sitting ostentatiously in his neighbor's driveway.

Questioned by sheriff's deputies, the neighbor said he had found the items in the trash at his friend's thrift store. He appeared astonished that the futon and water cooler had not been "free for anyone to take, due to the fact they were garbage." The subject was ordered to return the property and was banned from the store.

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