Police Dispatch

Lifestyles of the Bored and Stoned

UA Area, Jan. 25, 10:16 p.m.

Two UA fraternity members' dorm-room practices were revealed by law enforcement, according to a UA Police Department report.

An officer was dispatched to the La Paz residence hall, 602 N. Highland Ave. He smelled burnt marijuana coming from one of the rooms; its two male occupants gave him permission to search.

On one side of the room, the officer found two metal grinders, marijuana and smoking paraphernalia, and a large locked chest full of approximately 20 empty alcohol bottles. On the other side was a black box containing paperwork, Alpha Phi Epsilon paraphernalia and an explosive device made of firecrackers duct-taped to a vial of yellow liquid. The owner said it was a smoke/stink bomb he had planned to detonate as a prank on his fraternity brothers.

The officer also found a corked 5-gallon water jug attached to a funnel containing approximately 2 gallons of brown, chunky liquid. The subjects claimed they were too lazy to dispose of various products--such as milk from cereal--in the restroom, so they used the jug for waste disposal. The liquid was moldy and fermenting.

The subjects were cited and released; the jug was discarded.

In This Corner

West Chapala Drive, Jan. 16, 10:53 a.m.

A child throwing a temper tantrum showed anger and strength beyond his years, said a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

A deputy visited Harrelson Elementary School, 826 W. Chapala Drive, and met two teachers restraining a young boy who appeared out of control. His teacher explained that he had been that way for almost an hour, running around the room, screaming and trying to escape. He had punched his teacher in the face, kicked her in the side and bit her left wrist. He had also kicked a large desk, which broke into several pieces.

The boy told the deputies, "Get your fucking hands off me," and proceeded to lie in a fetal position in a corner, refusing to speak or move. The deputy forced him to stand and arrested him.

A citation was issued for criminal damage, disturbing an educational institution and two counts of assault.

Sorry, Wrong Number

West Avenida Obregón, Jan. 15, 10:02 p.m.

A 9-year-old girl was solicited for sex on her cell phone, according to a PCSD report.

The girl's mother reported that her daughter had received a voicemail from an unknown man stating, "Someone told me you are available for blow jobs; I want to know how much you cost." The mother said she called the man and told him never to call again; she pressed no charges.

When the deputy contacted the caller, he explained he had reached the girl by mistake--and was unwilling to divulge his identity.