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Handy and Randy

North Avenida de Castilla, Aug. 27, 1:37 p.m.

A handyman who was called to fix a water leak removed all of his clothes before doing the job, said a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

According to the report, a woman house-sitting for a friend called a recommended repairman to fix a ceiling-damaging leak. When she first met the repairman, the woman stated, he seemed nice.

Soon after arriving at the house, the repairman found water on the roof and announced he needed to drain it. He then told the woman, "I hope you don't mind seeing a man naked." She didn't reply and re-entered the house, where there was a floor-to-ceiling window facing the handyman's ladder. She saw him remove all of his clothing--including his underpants and boots--before climbing onto the roof totally naked. She was extremely offended by this act.

The woman neglected to report the incident until almost five hours later. Police were not able to reach the handyman for his side of the story.


Shit Happens

UA Area Sept. 4, 3:52 a.m.

A man in dire need of a restroom defecated in a spot near a walkway used by many university students and faculty members, said a University of Arizona Police Department report.

The reporting officer said he saw a man exiting the bushes near the stairwell of McClelland Hall, 1130 E. Helen St., pulling up his pants. When asked what he was up to, the man stated that the Circle K and 7-Eleven wouldn't let him use their bathrooms.

After searching the area, the officer found what appeared to be human feces about 3 feet from the building's stairs. He told the subject what he'd found, and the man admitted, "I had to go really bad."

The subject was cited, and he cleaned up the scene. No evidence was collected.


Hungry, Large and at Large

East River Road Aug. 29, 1:31 p.m.

Someone broke into a 78-year-old woman's refrigerator/freezer and stole about $100 worth of food, a PCSD report stated.

Overnight, the woman said, someone apparently entered her carport, where she keeps a refrigerator and freezer. She found the lid to the freezer open and discovered that most of her food was missing, including about 10 32-ounce bottles of Gatorade; two 2-liter bottles of sparkling water; six pounds of sliced ham; five pounds of Colby, Swiss, cheddar and pepper jack cheeses; six packages of hot dogs; two protein shakes; and a dozen beef tamales.

A very large footprint was found next to the freezer. No suspects have been apprehended.

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