Police Dispatch

At Least He Still Has His Kidneys

River and Oracle Roads, May 22, 5:15 a.m.

A man went to a bar near downtown one evening, struck up a conversation with another man and woke up naked on the side of the road the next morning, with no memory of what had transpired in the intervening hours, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

A deputy met the man near a Chevron gas station on North Oracle Road. According to the report, the man was sitting near a pay phone with a large couch cushion covering him.

The man said he went to a bar on South Fourth Avenue, where he met another man. He told the deputy that he bought the man a shot of liquor and then proceeded to ingest two mixed drinks, two beers and two shots. The man said he didn't recall actually leaving the bar at any point.

He said he vaguely remembered getting into a struggle with a man over his keys, but the report didn't indicate when this incident might have occurred. His next memory was of waking up naked by a Goodwill secondhand store, the report stated.

The man said that in addition to his clothes, his wallet and its contents were missing, along with his 1997 fire-engine-red Dodge Ram truck. He described the man he had bought a drink for as blond with tattoos up and down his arms.

Paramedics with the Northwest Fire Department advised the man to go to the hospital to get checked out.

No Explanation Given

Valencia Road and Interstate 10, May 18, 10:33 a.m.

A teacher admitted squirting a student in the eye with chalkboard cleanser, a PCSD report said.

The assistant principal at Lauffer Middle School, 5385 E. Littletown Road, noticed a student wearing an eye patch in the nurse's office. He asked the girl what happened, and she told him a teacher squirted her in the eye with the cleanser.

According to the report, the teacher, upon questioning, admitted to the assistant principal that he had squirted the girl in the eye, "and then simply walked away" without any further explanation.

The teacher was suspended indefinitely following the incident. Lauffer Middle School reportedly paid for the girl's visit to an urgent care facility, as well as for some eye drops that were prescribed to her.

Another student who was questioned by school administrators following the incident said the same teacher had also sprayed several girls' chests with the cleaning solution as a joke.

Authorities were still investigating at the time of the report.

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