Police Dispatch

Not in the Job Description

West Overton Road and North La Cholla Boulevard, Sept. 23, 10:51 a.m.

An 89-year-old man told his live-in caregiver that he'd only hired her to clean the house and have sex with him, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report said.

The man told the woman this after she had walked in on him masturbating, she claimed.

The caregiver said he knocked on her door and asked her to come and have a conversation. But it didn't appear to her that he wanted to talk when she went into his bedroom, because he allegedly had his pants down and was playing with himself.

The woman indicated that she told the man to go to sleep, and then returned to her room--locking the door behind her. Some time later, she said, her client used a screwdriver to remove the doorknob and gain access to her boudoir.

Upon entering, he reportedly declared why he had hired her, and then demanded that she come back to his room to have sex with him. He also claimed to have taken a Viagra for this purpose, she added.

When asked, the woman said she didn't think her client suffered from any form of dementia. She indicated that she had since found another job.

Cod on Wheels

West Linda Vista Boulevard and North Thornydale Road, Sept. 20, 7:59 a.m.

A woman got a seafood-scented surprise when she discovered that fish oil had been dumped all over her van, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

A copious amount of oil had also been poured inside the van through an open window in the back.

Citing bad blood, the woman said she suspected her neighbors were the ones who did it.

According to her, a quart of motor oil had been poured inside the van one month prior. She told a deputy that she didn't report the earlier incident.

Flushing the Evidence

UA Area, Oct. 4, 2:18 p.m.

A purse that was accidentally left behind in a lady's restroom wound up in a men's room toilet--sans credit cards and cash, a University of Arizona Police Department report said.

The woman called police to report that her purse was missing, shortly after it had been found. She was reunited with it after she provided a description.

There were no witnesses or suspects at the time of the report.