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She Just Couldn’t Handle Half a Handle

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She Just Couldn't Handle Half a Handle

Fourth Street

Jan. 18, 6:47 p.m.

A popular TV crime show may or may not have contributed to the corruption of a minor college student clearly drinking way more than she could handle (despite her confident claims otherwise), according to a University of Arizona Police Department report.

Two officers responded to Huachuca Resident Hall, 940 E. Fourth St.—along with a bevy of Tucson Fire Department medical personnel—to evaluate and assist a female resident who'd been vomiting in the bathroom for quite some time. The posse of cops and medics found her still leaning over the toilet in a very disheveled state, hovered over by a protective friend who had to repeatedly cover the subject's breasts when they'd fall out of her shirt.

The young woman stated she'd consumed a lot of alcohol but no drugs. When her vitals were declared OK, she was allowed to slowly make her way back to her room as best she could.

One officer interviewed the watery-eyed, slurring student, who admitted she was only 18 but didn't seem to see this as problematic, as "she kept slightly laughing at the situation."

Then she said, "she knew what this was by watching Law and Order." The officer was very unsure of what that was supposed to mean.

When he asked her how much she'd drank, she said, "I won't drink more than I can handle!" When asked how much that was, her response did nothing to help illuminate her meaning as she simply declared, "I know how much I can handle." (Perhaps uncontrollable vomiting was par for the course in her eyes.)

The other officer, meanwhile, had been glancing around her dorm room and immediately saw a large bottle of Tito's vodka, half empty, sitting in plain site on a closet shelf. The subject said her sister had given it to her and didn't deny drinking from it.

The officers photographed the handle of Tito's for evidence before emptying its remaining contents. The young woman was cited for two minor-in-possession charges (one for "possessing" alcohol "in body") and ultimately released. A Dean of Students report was submitted about the incident.

More by Anna Mirocha

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