Police Dispatch

He Was Not Amused (But We Were)

"I am begging you to test me"

North La Canada Drive, May 22, 2:46 p.m.

A rental-property owner remained stoic after receiving an obscenity-laden, blatantly threatening note from a renter's son, according to an Oro Valley Police Department report.

The property owner told a police officer that the subject—a 40-year-old male who lived with his mother, who was the only person on the lease of the rented home—was upset with management about some repair work completed at the residence that was "not to his satisfaction."

First the complainant paraphrased the subject's text for the reporting officer, saying the man had written him "to demand that the work be completed correctly or his mother wouldn't pay the rent."

Then he showed the officer the actual text on his phone. It read, "I am tired of dealing with your ass and I am begging you to test me, I swear to God that if I see you I'm cutting your fucken throat, I'm taking you out bitch, I already know you live in Oro Valley muthafucka."

The officer photographed this comma-splice-ridden communication for evidence, but the property owner, apparently unfazed, said he did not fear for his safety and did not want to report himself as a victim. He did agree to call the police again if the subject did actually try to cut his throat or do anything else remotely in line with the threat to "take (him) out."