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Police Dispatch: Urine Trouble! 

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March 21, 3:48 p.m.

A man at a bustling bus stop suddenly had to pee and, midstream, decided it was better to do so in his pants than leave his penis in view of a cop (though apparently untroubled by other bystanders' eyes), according to a University of Arizona Police Department report.

While on patrol near campus one afternoon, a UA officer pulled up to the stoplight at Campbell Avenue and Speedway Boulevard and heard a "pop" sound. Glancing over at a bus-stop bench, he learned the sound had come from a man sitting there, conspicuously yet casually at the corner of the busy intersection, opening a tall can of Steel Reserve malt liquor. Upon seeing the cop car, he unsuccessfully "attempted to hide (the can) behind his left leg."

The officer drove past but then made a U-turn, pulling into a nearby Taco Bell parking lot, where he exited his car and observed the man, now about 15 feet away, pour his beer into a restaurant-style to-go cup and set it behind the bus-stop bench. The subject then proceeded to "lean his crotch toward (the bench)."

We have the disturbing events that followed in the officer's own words: "I saw his penis, then a stream of urine struck the back of the bench and flowed onto the sidewalk in front of the bench. Upon seeing me he placed his penis back into his pants and urinated inside them. He immediately said he was sorry and should have used the bathroom (pointing to the Taco Bell)."

Asked for identification, the subject handed over an "inmate ID" from Wisconsin, apparently having recently been released from prison in that state. Since he had no local or extraditable warrants—and nobody nearby said they'd witnessed him drink the beer (or seen his penis)—the man was released after being cited for criminal littering (the "litter" being, in this case, his urine soaking the sidewalk).

More by Anna Mirocha

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