Police Dispatch: Older but Bolder 

East Sixth Street

May 7, 9:48 p.m.

A (much) older-than-average University of Arizona student escaped punishment after reports of him masturbating in his car while watching convenience-store patrons, a UA Police Department report stated.

A witness told the reporting UA officer that he'd been exiting the store when he saw an older male, between 60 and 70, sitting in his car facing the Circle K's doors and watching females enter, all the while "with his hands down his pants." The witness said he didn't see the subject's genitalia but that "his hands were moving inside of his pants."

The reporting officer then connected with another officer who'd located the subject in a campus parking garage. The old man proved his information and said he "takes a class" at the UA. In that case, the cop told him, he needed to follow university policy—which did not include masturbating in front of area convenience stores. The man said he understood.

More by Anna Mirocha


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