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Must've Been His Roommate's Beer

click to enlarge bigstock-beer-bottle-26420828.jpg

San Xavier Beat August 13, 3:16 p.m.

A guy was very wishy-washy (and nonsensical) regarding whether he'd stolen beer from a grocery store and whether he'd assaulted a female shopper, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Sheriff's deputies apprehended the subject outside a west-side Safeway in possession of a 24-pack of Bud Light that had just been reported shoplifted from the store—and was still cold—so deputies were pretty sure this was the stolen merchandise.

When asked about the beer, first the man blurted out, "I stole it." Asked where he stole it from, he then stated he didn't steal the beer.

Asked once more, he gave an odd amendment of both answers, saying "he stole it from his (own) house." It was unknown what he meant by this.

Asked whether he'd touched a woman in the parking lot inappropriately, he said "he touched a lot of people." Asked if he'd grabbed the woman and tried to "drag" her away from the shopping-cart area—as the woman had reported—he said no, he'd indeed "touched" her, but the she'd started yelling at him, so he "grabbed his beer and took off."

He was jailed on suspicion of assault and shoplifting.

More by Anna Mirocha

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