Pirate Radio

Several years ago, Cameron Crowe stopped making his schmaltzy-but-satisfying teen films, and switched to schmaltzy-but-horrifyingly-clichéd young-adult movies. Well, Pirate Radioreads like a script that Crowe threw away for being too trite and obvious. Set in 1966 in the waters off Great Britain, it tells the story of a floating rock-radio station and the gang of two-dimensional hipsters who lived there. Sadly, in spite of the gorgeous cinematography and some fine acting, the script reads like a collection of jokes that were translated into Bulgarian and then translated back into English by humorless accountants. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Rhys Ifans and Bill Nighy give it their all, but there’s no saving this unoriginal pic. The worst parts involve the silly contrast between the awesome, laid-back rockers and uptight government officials, epitomized by Minister of Not Having Erections Alistair Dormandy (Kenneth Branagh). I suppose if you just wanted to hear the chart-topping rock hits of the mid-’60s, and you’ve lost your K-Tel collection, you might enjoy Pirate Radio’s 72-minute runtime. Sadly, Pirate Radio is 135 minutes long, so even that won’t work.