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Oculo-Dyspeptic Syndrome

Whether it is genetic or behavioral in nature remains a mystery. Before great strides in the field of abnormal psychology allowed its diagnosis, the condition was referred to in the vernacular as "having eyes bigger than your stomach" (the modern syndrome is often referred to simply as "O.D."). Clinical treatment of this temporary condition is difficult, as a chief characteristic is for the well-patient to believe that he/she is permanently cured.

For clues, researchers have turned their attention to the study of canines, which also seem predisposed to succumb to O.D. The most common side effects are stomach upset and a sense of self-loathing (hard to detect in canines, but presumed to exist). Symptoms include an elevated heart rate, compulsive licking of the lips and ptyalism (the excessive excretion of saliva). There is a higher instance of reported cases in humans during the Thanksgiving and winter holidays, and in cities with an abundance of all-you-can-eat establishments.

O.D. research is one of the unheralded achievements of the Clinton administration. During his Arizona visit in 1999, Clinton stunned researchers and observers alike with an intestinal fortitude that far surpassed the presumed oculo-dyspeptic threshold. The data, a prodigious combo plate at Mi Nidito restaurant in South Tucson (see page 72), has since been renamed in his honor.

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