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Mark Beef is a sound engineer at Vaudeville Cabaret. His self-penned bio reads: "Mark Beef's done some things; he went some places; he drank some drinks; and pooped in many toilets. He's probably upset you at one time, and he might have even cried about it later when he was alone, naked and cold."

What was the first concert you ever saw?

The Banana Splits in 1975 at some hotel in Chicago. It was the best experience of my life, and I've been chasing the dragon ever since.

What CDs are in your changer right now?

I have a 100-disc changer. I hope you don't edit this: Sam Cooke, Live at the Harlem Square Club, 1963; King Khan and BBQ Show; Tokyo Electron; Jobriath, Creatures of the Street; Funkadelic, Maggot Brain ...

How many total albums do you own (CDs, vinyl, cassettes, 8-tracks)?

My record collection is bigger than Jesus and Al Perry combined. I had to invent new letters in the alphabet just to categorize it.

Do you download music, and if so, legally or illegally?

I download stuff all the time. I also go to see bands live and pay the cover to get in, so stick that up your ass. Plus, the stuff I download, I couldn't buy at any store in this god-forsaken town if I tried. Did you know most "artists" only get about 12 cents of the $16 you paid for that CD?

What was the first album you owned?

Some "Haunted House Chilling Sounds" thing or something.

What song would you like to have played at your funeral?

Hickey's "Make Sure There Aren't Any Squares at My Funeral," followed by the Bee Gees' "I Started a Joke," and ending with Holst's "Mars, Bringer of War," Eugene Ormandy conducting.

Musically speaking, what do you love that your friends don't know about? What's your favorite guilty pleasure?

Not being Catholic, I have no guilt from anything that brings me pleasure. Also, my friends are all subjected to my varied musical tastes whether they like it or not ... but to answer your question, people who look at me would probably not stop to think about how much I love the girl groups (and solo artists like Lesley Gore) of the '60s.

What band or artist changed your life, and how?

Dr. Demento, because I thought all music was crap 'til I heard his show.

Figurative gun to your head, what is your favorite album of all time?

Naim Amor's Musique Pour Les Lutins à Mon Enterrement.

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