Hot weather makes people testy, yours truly included, so brace yourself for a curmudgeonly guide to things that really tick off this otherwise docile editor:

· Story pitches revolving around your landlord-tenant dispute. Unless you can demonstrate that your landlord has established a pattern of abuse affecting many other people, don't come crying to me that he's making your life hell. The Tucson Weekly cannot be your personal instrument of revenge.

· Unsigned letters to the editor. If you lack the courage or integrity to put your name behind your opinion, who cares what you think? Not me, and I won't print your screed.

· Demands to make your Chow Scan listing more positive. I welcome corrections to Chow Scan's factual content--address, phone number, hours and such. But the evaluative blurb reflects the full review we gave your restaurant in the past. Want a better review? Run a better restaurant.

· Story ideas having nothing to do with Southern Arizona. Read the title on the cover: Tucson Weekly. Not The Nation. If you want to sell, or read, articles about national issues, there are plenty of reputable, well-established publications it would be foolish for us to compete with. We're here to provide progressive, contrarian coverage of local issues, where there's precious little competition.

· Conspiracy theories and Jesus sightings. Sorry, you missed the deadline for our September 20 Best of Tucson issue, whose theme is "Myths and Legends."