Favorite

Jesus Christ! 

The Prince of Peace, or, rather, his namesake, seeks election as Justice of the Peace.

We found Jesus Christ. He's a Democrat. He votes. And He'd like to get started judging, at least as a Justice of the Peace in Pima County.

Unlike most candidates, Tucson's Jesus Christ did not gather nominating signatures. If you want Jesus Christ to be a judge under the mosaic dome of the Old County Courthouse, you'll have to write his name on the ballot in the midtown Justice Precinct 8 on Sept. 10.

Christ pays taxes and has a phone with voice messaging. He's good about calling back.

Before Aug. 26, Jesus Christ was Henry James Cardenas, a 42-year-old mason who petitioned the Superior Court for a name change. The order was filed at 2:32 p.m. that day, and moments later Jesus Christ walked the tiny distance to County Administration, ascended by elevator to the eighth floor and filed papers to seek the Democratic nomination and to wrest the gavel from incumbent Justice Susan Bacal.

Jesus Christ explains that He was simply satisfying "our rules" with the name change. "I am the very risen Christ."

He'd like to talk to us about His campaign, but must charge us.

Come again?

"$1,500," he says.

We explain we don't pay anyone, not even Jesus Christ. Besides, we're poor.

"You are not poor. Say 'I am rich,'" He commands.

We manage to get Him to reveal that He will "administer justice just as it is in the Book. The rich are going to be poor. The poor are going to be rich. White will be treated like black. Black will be white."

He takes pity and offers to meet us. It must be in the neighborhood. He rides a bike.

He'll settle for lunch. His choice.

Jesus looked for fish, but accepted chicken, beans and slaw at (where else?) Chuy's, Speedway and Country Club.

More by Chris Limberis

  • The Skinny

    • Sep 22, 2005
  • Legal Briefs

    Unexpected Discovery and Disclosure in the Stidham Murder
    • Sep 22, 2005
  • Legal Reversal

    County Attorney Barbara LaWall backpedals after the widow of Dr. Brian Stidham files a lawsuit
    • Sep 15, 2005
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Demand Letter

    UA minority students have united against an alleged culture of impunity toward racism, homophobia and sexism at the university
    • Apr 7, 2016
  • Humanity in Focus

    After serving in a refugee camp in Lesvos, Greece, Tucson-based photographer Wayne Martin Belger and his 12-year-old daughter Tara document the duality of suffering and newfound hope that Syrian refugees face
    • May 19, 2016

The Range

San Antonio's Pre-K Program

TUSD Enrollment, 2000 to 2017

More »

Latest in Currents Feature

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation