Hannibal

This is sort of like one of those classic Disney films of the '30s and '40s, where magical fairies dance about in glittering landscapes, eating the flesh of their still-living victims. You know, like Snow White and The Seven Horrible, Cannibalistic Dwarves, or Kill, Bambi, Kill! Anthony Hopkins plays Hannibal, an irascible scamp who loves classical music, fine art and evil. Gary Oldman plays his rival, the cute little horribly deformed man who wants only to gambol about and feed Hannibal to the three little pigs. Well, more like two dozen flesh-eating hogs. Julianne Moore plays Clarice Starling, who's kind of like the Good Woodsman who comes to help out when Red Riding Hood is captured by the evil wolf who wants to force her to eat her own brains. Or it could be that the Disney films they showed me in the vicious torture gardens where I was raised were slightly different than those released to the world at large. Anyway, Hannibal shares with those films a glacially slow pace that is only slightly enlivened by the adorable scenes of cute, fluffy, hugable murders and mutilations.