Cold comfort: The sequester will be even worse for the GOP than for the economy

Bring on the sequester! I'm with Rand Paul and Paul Ryan and my new favorite, Ted Cruz of Texas, on this one. But for different reasons.

I'm just plain intrigued to see what happens when $85 billion evaporates from an economy that's just beginning to pick up speed. Sure, I feel sorry for all the special ed students and vets and hungry old people and nursing mothers and military families that'll be hurt, but I'm pretty sure this massive experiment in sudden deprivation won't directly injure me, so why should I worry? (Hey, why don't we all think like members of Congress?)

Besides, the recent meteor incident in the Urals whetted my appetite for apocalypse. (Before moving along, let's take a moment to wonder why meteorites seem to preferentially target Russia: One of the greatest explosions of the 20th century took place over a forest in Siberia in 1908. Is there some sort of anti-Russki bias in the Oort Cloud? Gerard Depardieu, the French actor and patriot who just became a Russian citizen to avoid taxes in his native land, might want to take note.)

Back to the looming economic disaster. I, for one, am sick and tired of the loom and ready for the crash. I'm tired of numbers, tired of the hysterical babble, tired of the faith-based economic theories of the right. (A national deficit is not like a family's debt: Almost all the borrowed money circulates inside the country. Duh. And you know what else? The federal government ran a $3 billion surplus last month because Social Security taxes went up. When you raise taxes, more money comes in and the deficit goes down. It's like a miracle!)

And I am so very unspeakably tired of Congress. This, I realize, is not an original sentiment—witness the Public Policy Polling poll last month that put that body's popularity behind that of lice, colonoscopies and Genghis Khan. (The news wasn't all bad, though. People still preferred Congress to North Korea, meth labs and Ebola.)

I realize that taking this giant step toward stopping the recovery and putting the U.S. on an economic par with stagnant, austerity-saddled Europe (oh, yay) will not make Congress go away, or behave better. But it will, I believe, substantially contribute to something that is very close to my heart: the end of the GOP as a viable political party.

It's like this. You've just learned definitively that demographics—inexorable changes sweeping through a whole society—are running against you and everything you hold dear (the gun lobby, income inequality, low corporate taxes). So what do you do? You throw a wrench into the economy because your pet theory holds that good will come of starving the beast.

By doing so, you create an object lesson in how that economy actually works and what government actually does. This will be hard learning for the millions of half-educated working-class Americans who've been watching Fox News and listening to talk radio, believing the propaganda that's been fed to them. But learn they will.

And this time, they'll know who to blame—the frothing Tea Partiers they were duped into electing, and the party to which they belong. Those guys yammer about smaller government and the deficit 24/7, so guess what? They get to own the coming pain. It doesn't matter that the White House proposed the sequester in the first place—that was nearly two years ago and we're a short-attention-span nation.

The greatest entertainment value, of course, will not be in watching the Tea Partiers self-destruct—whatever happened to Sarah Palin, anyway?—but in seeing the GOP old guard flail. They won't negotiate because they're afraid of the party's crazy fringe, yet they're smart enough to realize that the game they're playing is catastrophic. I know it's bad, bad, bad to enjoy the sufferings of others, but John McCain and John Boehner have made their beds.

(And I'm utterly sick of their pretend obsession about who's to blame for Benghazi—talk about a dead horse. And now it's drones. The CIA uses drones to kill American al-Qaida members and the president OKs it? Fine by me. For me, "al-Qaida member" kind of cancels out "American." Besides, assassination is better than war—it tends to kill fewer bystanders.)

Where's a meteor strike when you need one?

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