Doggerel Days

It Doesn't Take Much In These Placid Times To Make Us Wax Poetic.

What a weekend! The Wildcats fill Arizona Stadium despite having sold about 172 season tickets. Nebraska-Notre Dame goes overtime. The West Wing wins all the big Emmys. The U.S. Tennis Open reaches the finals. And Bobby Knight gets fired. Why, it's enough to make me break into limericks!

Premature Jock-ulation

An apology placed on behalf
Of the en-tire 'Cat coaching staff.
The Cats played so well,
Then ig-nored the bell,
And failed to show second half.

The Buckeyes, the Wildcats were clocking,
An overflow stad'm was rocking.
But then O.J. fell,
And all went to Hell,
'Cause the offensive line just stopped blocking.

A Tennis Situation

Buchanan had almost stopped hopin';
At one percent, he was just mopin'.
But now Pat is back,
'Cause we're under attack:
A Russkie has just won the Open!

Aereola Boring-alis

The Emmys on Sunday it gave us
A re-vea-ling look at G. Davis.
It caused quite a ripple,
When she flashed a nipple,
From no-talent hoochies, please save us!

Better Rankings Through Chemistry

The Huskers went to Notre Dame,
To the top spot they would stake their claim.
The Irish had dreams,
But Nebraska, it seems,
Is the Steroid Abuse Hall of Fame.

Reaction to Knight (Weenie Version)

They finally got rid of Bob Knight,
Who would argue, bicker and fight.
They gave him the gate,
Twenty-nine years too late,
'Cause he always believed might makes right.

Reaction to Knight (Baller Version)

The bastards, they fired the Coach
'Cause he wouldn't take their approach.
He'd yell and cajole,
His style took its toll,
But his teams were as tough as a roach.

His titles amounted to three,
And his antics were something to see.
But his kids got degrees;
The day, they did seize.
How I wish he had been Coach to me.

Reaction to Knight (Sorta Sportswriter Version)

His critics would bitch and would moan,
"His coaching we cannot condone!"
All knew where he stood,
Far less bad than good,
'Til they fired him over the phone.

He's a man of great contradiction,
With a life that reads like bad fiction.
A temper? For sure!
But his name will endure,
To the suits for whom he's an affliction.

I wish he had got his act straight.
Some of his stuff I did hate.
He instilled in his men,
Some strong discipline.
In the end, he deserved better Fate.

All in the Family

The singles crown--it went to Venus,
The high priest-ess of her genus.
Her sister had blundered,
But we always wondered,
Why her dad is such a big ... naw, too easy.

The Williamses all play The Victim,
'Specially when someone has licked 'em.
Every loss that they've got
Is a CIA plot.
They all claim that someone had dicked 'em.

The old man is quite the buffoon.
As seriously daft as a loon.
He'll get in your face,
And it's all about race.
His hot air could fill a balloon.

Federal Bureau of Improvisation

The Feds did pursue Wen Ho Lee,
But now he's about to be free.
The case did implode.
All he did was download
Some pics of his sex fan-ta-sy.

Like Picking between Hitler and Hussein

The Card'nals, they just slipped by Dallas.
At the risk of sounding quite callous:
Texans plaster their cars
With blue-and-gray stars:
For me, they can bite the big phallus.

The Cards are QB'ed by Jake Plummer,
Whose play-calling is dumb and dumber.
His team, it does stink,
In the East they will sink,
And he'll get a quick start on next summer.

Dating Anne Heche? Now, That's Funny!

Will & Grace won the Top Funny Show,
To the front of Fra-sier it did go.
The stars well all tellin'
How they owed it to Ellen,
But was her show a laugh? Oh, no no!

The Same Category Ally McBeal Won In Last Year! Arrggghh!

The women from Sex and the City
All showed up and tried to look pretty.
They cried in their beer,
And the reason was clear:
They all lost 'cause their show is so shitty.

A Simple Proposal

And then we have old poor Dick Tomey,
A nice guy, a mensch, a real homie.
The 'Cat offense stinks,
So the guy next door drinks,
And yells at his set, "Hey Dick, why don't you try having Jenkins roll out or dump something over the middle to a back coming out of the backfield?"