· What the hell's wrong with people? A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a column about my plan to enlist high school teams, clubs and organizations to eradicate graffiti in our community. The response has been overwhelming, so much so that it looks like I'm actually going to have to follow through with it. Of the 50 or so e-mails I received, one guy didn't like my use of the word "bitch." I e-mailed him back and explained that in the latter stages of the hip-hop era, "bitch" is more commonly used to refer to a male lacking in maleness. You know, like someone who would spray paint on somebody's wall.
One other e-mail just killed me. This woman asked if I had ever seen the 10,000-year-old ancient cave paintings in France. She then claimed that they were done by "graffiti artists from that time period."
She then used the phrase "street art," for which she is undoubtedly going straight to hell. Matter of fact, she may end up under hell. Dick Cheney's going to be looking down at her and mumbling something about how talking about graffiti aids al-Qaida. Heck, Jeffrey Dahmer is going to be shouting, "Street art, my ass!" (Always with the body parts!)
The next moron who uses the phrase "street art" has to provide his/her home address so I can give it out to the spray-can bitches and let them know that you think it's OK to mess up your property.
· Why don't they do a sobriety checkpoint on way-West Valencia Road outside of AVA after a concert? There are some seriously drunk people who stagger out of that facility and pour themselves into cars to go home. It could be a very serious situation. Fortunately, the traffic crawls for the first couple of miles until Valencia widens out to two eastbound lanes near Camino de Oeste. By the time they get there, most of the drivers will have had time to sleep it off.
While my son and I were at the Earth, Wind and Fire concert last week, we saw this guy named Tony who we knew from Amphi High School. Tony was lugging around a couple of plastic buckets filled with ice-packed beer bottles that he was selling for $5.25 each. Now, I don't drink, but that seemed like a rather steep price for one bottle of beer. Nevertheless, he was doing brisk business. Every time he sold one, I could hear, off in the distance, a cash register ringing, and Iron Eyes Cody saying, "That's for the Oklahoma Land Rush."
· I know that Indian reservations are sovereign land, so do you think the tribe could pass a law against drunk-ass old white people dancing in public at soul concerts? Alexander and I had to endure this spazzed-out, drunk-ass couple doing what appeared to be a bad, tandem Harold Lloyd impersonation, almost falling over and then snapping out of it at the last possible second. By the end of the night, I was praying that they'd finally fall over and start rolling down that hill, starting a spaz-slide as they went.
I tried to warn y'all about this problem in last week's column, but my editor killed it. I'm thinking that maybe he's planning on becoming an old white person himself some day, and maybe he likes to dance. Or drink. Or, God forbid, both.
Anyway, when EWF started singing "After The Love Is Gone," instead of holding up a lighter or a match, these two flipped open their cell phones and waved them back and forth. And, just as with their dancing, they were nowhere near the beat. On the HowPatheticIsThat? meter, that's three clicks past "Please Euthanize Me Now."
· Finally, on a serious note, why the hate? After I wrote a cover story a few weeks back about Hispanic activists from back in the day, the editor and I received several letters viciously attacking the roles these people play in our community today. Isabel Garcia, who heads up the Pima County Legal Defender's Office, and Raul Grijalva, who is a United States congressman, were especially singled out for their efforts involving illegal immigration. One letter writer said that Garcia is stealing public money by appearing at protests during work hours, and another called Raul Grijalva a traitor, which is a word one shouldn't use lightly and one that can't be taken back.
First off, the article was about their beginnings, not the present. If I'd had space for a few thousand more words, I might have tackled how they appear to have veered from fighting for the rights of American citizens to fighting for the rights of citizens of other countries. And they might argue that they haven't veered, but rather morphed.
Still, if you have a problem with Garcia's work schedule, take it up with her boss. You're a taxpayer; it's your money and your right to see that it's being spent correctly. And if you don't like Raul Grijalva, vote for Joe Sweeney. That'll show him.
In the meantime, leave the use of the word "traitor" to brain-dead skanks like Ann Coulter. It's the only way she can get attention, because obviously the go-go boots ain't workin'.