Favorite

Ask a Mexican! 

Dear Mexican: Waze is launching Waze Carpool throughout California. I think it's gonna be a hit, especially with tight Latino enclaves throughout the state. But...is there a history of raites within the Mex community?

—Uber Wazer

Dear Gabacho: Everything that tech bros and their hipster acolytes think they're creating, Mexicans did first. Ripping off music and movies? We call it piratería, and we know a guy at the Paramount Swap Meet who has Guardians of the Galaxy 3 on VHS. AirBnB? We've been renting out the couch to visitors since the days of the Toltecs. Uber? The aforementioned raiteros, what the gabacho media used to call gypsy cabs. Some app that you can use if you need someone to cut your lawn or fix your clogged toilet? Day laborers. Dia de los Muertos everything? BRUH...and all of this caca will continue. Because as I've written before, when hipsters do something that slightly outside the law yet an innovation over the old guard, they get a Series-C round of funding, Instagram influencers, and fawning media coverage. When Mexicans do it? We get code enforcement.

I need to be set straight. I've recently dubbed myself, "un loco pocho," because I'm in the same pinche crisis as every other Mexican-American three generations in. I'm an artist, so in order to obtain scholarships and grants, I must illustrate what a sell-out I don't want to become. My abuelita is güera, not white, speaks fluent Spanish (nothing else) and I prefer flour tortillas over corn any day. Sadly, I've come to the realization that I will never be Nahuatl, Maya or Chichimecan. Yet, I'm not white; I'm a dark-skinned, non-español, seemingly mojado wannabe. I don't want to be white; I want to be American. I don't want to forget the struggles of my grandparents, yet my baby-boomer parents already have. Like so many other children of immigrants from different countries, living off the fat of the land (now in a position to benefit from the Third World countries in which they fled). Can I just use pocho, the pejorative term, for "fake-ass Mexican" (may as well be la malinche in the flesh) as a symbol of hope? Or am I just trying to have my cake and eat it too?

—Un Sonso Poco Loco Defecto Asking Who the Fuck They Are, LOL

Dear A Dummy but Crazy Defect Preguntando Quien Chingado Son, JAJA: Man, you're so pocho you think Nahuatl is a people, not a language. You're so pocho that Donald Trump just appointed you to his cabinet. You're so pocho that Carlos Mencia accuses you of stealing his jokes. You're so pocho that you probably think embarazada means "embarrassed" and not "pregnant." You're so pocho you drive a Prius instead of a 1979 Ford Ranger Supercab with "CHALINO" stenciled in the camper window. And you know what? It's perfectly fine. The beauty of America for Mexicans is that we can sell out as much as we want, and it sometimes works—but at the end of the día, gabachos still think you're just a dirty Mexican.

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net. be his fan on Facebook. Follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

More by Gustavo Arellano

  • Come to an Adios

    Many of ustedes must be scratching your heads right now. "What happened to ¡Ask a Mexican!" you're preguntando yourselves.
    • Oct 26, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I'm very bothered by the fact that Tom Flores is not in the Hall of Fame.
    • Oct 12, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: With all these NFL players kneeling for the national anthem, how do the Mexicans feel about this?
    • Oct 5, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Math problem: If there are 20 Mexicans, 20 Indians, 20 Chinese, 20 Puerto Ricans, 20 Blacks, and one white person on a room, then how many people are there in the room who's identity is used as a benchmark to establish the identities of the rest of the people in the room? (Hint: not a colored person.)
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • Ask a Mexican

    • Nov 10, 2016

Latest in Ask a Mexican!

  • Come to an Adios

    Many of ustedes must be scratching your heads right now. "What happened to ¡Ask a Mexican!" you're preguntando yourselves.
    • Oct 26, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I'm very bothered by the fact that Tom Flores is not in the Hall of Fame.
    • Oct 12, 2017
  • More »

Most Commented On

People who saved…

Facebook Activity

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation