Favorite

Ask a Mexican! 

Dear Mexican: I am a fairly attractive, middle-aged black woman. Like many women who share my demographics, it is challenging for me to find interesting, attractive men—there is a shortage! However, I find myself approached by some of the least appealing males on Earth: sombrero-wearing, pot-bellied, hygienically challenged, straggly-mustached, snaggle-toothed, intoxicated, red-eyed, middle-aged, Mexicans. In the past few weeks, I've been approached by not one, not two, but three stanky-drunk cholos while waiting at the bus stop, or taking a walk. They approach me, speaking rapid, drunken Spanish. I can't catch everything they're saying, but I get the general idea! I answer in English, which they pretend not to understand. My friends laugh at me, and say I must be putting out some vibe of which I am unaware. Some vibe that attracts drunk Mexicans with missing—or even worse—gold teeth. (They look a lot like the caricature for this column, only older and MUCH dirtier.) Why are these guys coming on to me? Why are they drunk in the middle of the day? There are frequently young and attractive chicas in the same vicinity—why do they come staggering up to ME, and how can I make them stop?

—Times are Hard, but Not that Hard

Dear Negrita: What's that saying—pendeja is as pendeja does? That's all you, chula. Besides you forget that a Mexican male will go after any woman, no matter how disgusting—so congrats!

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net. Become his fan on Facebook. follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

More by Gustavo Arellano

  • Ask a Mexican!

    In 1990, some of my Mexican friends told me it cost $500 to come from Mexico with a coyote. Recently, a friend from Tamazunchale told me it now costs $2,500. How much of this money, paid to the coyotes, go to Border Patrol Employees?
    • Jul 20, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican

    That's not to deny Chicanos that the culture of fixing up boats and bombs, and driving them low and slow, is now dominated by them—if anything, we appropriated gabacho culture, for once!
    • Jul 13, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Special Marijuana Edition
    • Jul 6, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Math problem: If there are 20 Mexicans, 20 Indians, 20 Chinese, 20 Puerto Ricans, 20 Blacks, and one white person on a room, then how many people are there in the room who's identity is used as a benchmark to establish the identities of the rest of the people in the room? (Hint: not a colored person.)
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • Ask a Mexican!

    • Dec 31, 2015

The Range

Quick Bites: Tequila Takeover

Dr. Word Says: Trump Tries His Hand at Poetry

Flake Loves Him Some Cruzcare

More »

Latest in Ask a Mexican!

  • Ask a Mexican!

    In 1990, some of my Mexican friends told me it cost $500 to come from Mexico with a coyote. Recently, a friend from Tamazunchale told me it now costs $2,500. How much of this money, paid to the coyotes, go to Border Patrol Employees?
    • Jul 20, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican

    That's not to deny Chicanos that the culture of fixing up boats and bombs, and driving them low and slow, is now dominated by them—if anything, we appropriated gabacho culture, for once!
    • Jul 13, 2017
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • Danehy

    Tom remains distressed by the nation's cult of ignorance
    • Jun 22, 2017
  • Danehy

    How to get on board with the racists and the dolts
    • Jul 6, 2017
  • More »

Facebook Activity

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation