Favorite

Ask a Mexican! 

Dear Mexican: I know I might sound like a gabacho borracho, but I'm really just a gringo trying to make progress toward getting work legally in Mexico—a side of the immigration debate we rarely hear about.

Most gringos who move to Mexico are students, or they are retired people who move to gated seaside communities—or they move to San Miguel de Allende to help drive the housing costs up even further. Others move to Ajijic at Lake Chapala, where most of them never learn Spanish and spend most of their time going to potluck gatherings with other gringos retirados. OK, I guess orgullo gringoso has its place.

I am a rarity: I'm a gringo who lives and works in Mexico about six months a year. I want to live in Mexico year-round and work legally. Sure, there's a system set up for this, sort of: the FM3 visa and various other paper chase B.S. Not only does it beg mordida, but it is slow and has many roadblocks.

So far, I have worked under the table in Mexican tourism. Similar to architects from Mexico who end up working as waiters in Santa Monica or Seattle, I have had to work in hotels and restaurants in Mexico (Vallarta, Cabo, Maz, etc.) to survive. Selling time-shares is not for me. (I am a lousy con artist.) I want to work in my chosen profession—movie and TV production—and I want to get the equivalent of a Mexican green card. Do they exist? Is it possible for me to have a card that allows me to apply for work, just as Mexican nationals do in Mexico City? I want to pay income taxes in Mexico and contribute to the better future of Mexico. I speak Spanish well, and if I ever had a chance to talk to ex-prezes Fox and Calderon, I would say this: "For every 10,000 Mexicans working in the U.S., can't you grant one green card to a gringo?" That's not asking a lot, is it?

El Gringo Mojado

Dear Wetback Gabacho: You can take steps to become a legal taxpayer—Have you applied for the CURC? Gone through SAT? Got your CIEC?—but why bother?

As you pointed out, it's a bureaucratic nightmare, and gabacho illegals have lived the good life in Mexico for decades. You're not likely to get deported, given Mexico needs every gabacho dollar possible during these dark times of narco wars, and even becoming a legal resident or a naturalized citizen still qualifies you as a second-class person (despite your gabacho status), just above an indio, so you might as well stay illegal.

Besides, look on the bright side: Less taxes paid to the Mexican government means more money stays in the local economy. You ain't an illegal: Like the Mexi illegals up here, you're a patriot against pendejo borders and antiquated citizenship laws.


Why is it our tías y abuelitas are so superstitious and have so many wild stories? The rattlesnake in the lechuga/cilantro/nopales (pick one) biting a mujer in a supermercado (pick your local one) who decides to rest in her carro while esposo finishes the shopping, and then dies, is just the latest to circulate the Central and Southern California coast.

Cynthia the Pocha

Dear Pocha: What you describe sounds like a spin on the classic urban legend of the woman who found a rat in her bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, examined in full in Jan Harold Brunvand's 1981 classic, The Vanishing Hitchhiker: American Urban Legends and Their Meanings. He noted that the legend was based on truthful accounts of food contamination, and theorized its popularity was our collective unconscious projecting fears of "a world of shocking ugliness lying just beneath a surface of tranquility and apparent wholesomeness."

Besides, the only Mexican wives' tale that I know involving snakes is a supposed 30-foot-long flying snake that lives in the mountains above the rancho of my mami's birth.

More by Gustavo Arellano

  • Come to an Adios

    Many of ustedes must be scratching your heads right now. "What happened to ¡Ask a Mexican!" you're preguntando yourselves.
    • Oct 26, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I'm very bothered by the fact that Tom Flores is not in the Hall of Fame.
    • Oct 12, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: With all these NFL players kneeling for the national anthem, how do the Mexicans feel about this?
    • Oct 5, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Math problem: If there are 20 Mexicans, 20 Indians, 20 Chinese, 20 Puerto Ricans, 20 Blacks, and one white person on a room, then how many people are there in the room who's identity is used as a benchmark to establish the identities of the rest of the people in the room? (Hint: not a colored person.)
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • Danehy

    Tom is just waiting for the day when a tattooed kid sics a dog on him in a grocery store for asking too many questions
    • Jun 23, 2016

Latest in Ask a Mexican!

  • Come to an Adios

    Many of ustedes must be scratching your heads right now. "What happened to ¡Ask a Mexican!" you're preguntando yourselves.
    • Oct 26, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I'm very bothered by the fact that Tom Flores is not in the Hall of Fame.
    • Oct 12, 2017
  • More »

Most Commented On

Facebook Activity

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation