Favorite

¡Ask a Mexican! 

Dear Mexican: I am a chica struggling with the choice to come out to my parents about my sexual orientation. My family is Catholic, and my parents are old-school. While we are very close, I am scared of how badly this could go. My parents have been living in the U.S. for about 45 years, and they have adopted some American attitudes about life. What are your thoughts concerning those of us who juggle Catholicism, homosexuality and old-fashioned (but great) Mexican parents?

An Innocent Bi-Stander

Dear Saint: I feel for ustedes. It's hard enough for closeted Mexicans to deal with their sexuality in a society that still doesn't allow homosexuals to marry (current California state law--until sexual Know Nothings intervene--notwithstanding). Mix in your Catholic faith and still-wabby parents, and the anguish must be agonizing. There's only one thing you can do: Come out to your parents. But don't take my heterosexist word for it. I asked my amiga, the hilariously subversive writer Monica Palacios, to give you some advice. The queer señorita offered this beautiful note for your use:

"Dear Chica with Muy Catholic Parents: Slip a note into the piñata that reads, 'Queridos padres: Happy anniversary. I love you very much, and by the way--I'm a lesbian. My sexuality is not a reflection about you; it's about who I am--and I am a healthy, happy woman in love with another woman. My girlfriend and I would like for you to attend the performance of Monica Palacios. She's hot and a Chicana lesbian performer who will be doing a piece about the importance of same-sex marriage. Please come, learn and laugh, and then we can all go out for menudo.' Be true to yourself, amiga: Your parents might be upset, but better that than you living a lie."

Wait a minute, Monica: Only I'm allowed to shamelessly self-promote in this column! But do take her advice, Bi-Stander. And for any homophobic Mexicans out there: Get over it. Gays and lesbians are the illegal immigrants of American sexuality, perfectly normal folk who, because they're just the slightest bit different from mainstream norms, must suffer bigots and stupid laws. If you care for your raza, you'll help defeat Proposition 8, the pernicious California resolution that seeks to ban same-sex marriages in the Golden State. And if you don't care about equality for all, may the Minutemen camp outside your abode tonight.

For more info on Monica Palacios, visit www.monicapalacios.com.

I have a Mexican stepson who I love dearly. I go to all his boring soccer games, and they win all the time. These kids are so happy when they win, but when it comes to taking their picture, they NEVER smile. Why don't Mexicans smile in pictures? Why so serious?

The Joker's on You

Dear Gabacho: To hide our gold and silver teeth.

All my Mexican friends who are Catholic don't know anything about Catholicism. Sometimes, I go to their church for weddings or gang members' funerals, and they don't even know when to sit, stand or repeat the father! I don't think they even know who the woman in the green poncho is! I know the wabs and some first-generation Mexicans know their stuff, but most of my Mexi friends (second-generation and up) haven't even done their First Communion. Are the Chicanos going to hell?

Our Lady of Perpetual Porno

Dear Gabacha: Any Catholic--observant or not, Mexican or otherwise--who hasn't risen up to fight their leadership's role in the Church's horrific sex-abuse scandal is going to hell. And any Catholic who doesn't support the Church's pro-Reconquista stance on immigration also has a date with the diablo.

In conclusion, worship Huitzilopotchli.

ALERT! Buy the Mexican's new book, Orange County: A Personal History! A new contest is coming soon so ustedes cheapskates can win a free copy!

More by Gustavo Arellano

  • Ask a Mexican!

    In 1990, some of my Mexican friends told me it cost $500 to come from Mexico with a coyote. Recently, a friend from Tamazunchale told me it now costs $2,500. How much of this money, paid to the coyotes, go to Border Patrol Employees?
    • Jul 20, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican

    That's not to deny Chicanos that the culture of fixing up boats and bombs, and driving them low and slow, is now dominated by them—if anything, we appropriated gabacho culture, for once!
    • Jul 13, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Special Marijuana Edition
    • Jul 6, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Readers: This guy followed with me in a private email that whined, "I don't think you have the balls" to publish his letter. Well, guess what, Chicano Charlie? Not only do I have the huevos, I also have the facts.
    • Dec 24, 2015
  • Ask a Mexican!

    • Dec 31, 2015

The Range

Bear Needs a Home

A Few Thoughts on the New AzMERIT Scores

Laughing Stock: The Dating Game, Repeatedly

More »

Latest in Ask a Mexican!

  • Ask a Mexican!

    In 1990, some of my Mexican friends told me it cost $500 to come from Mexico with a coyote. Recently, a friend from Tamazunchale told me it now costs $2,500. How much of this money, paid to the coyotes, go to Border Patrol Employees?
    • Jul 20, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican

    That's not to deny Chicanos that the culture of fixing up boats and bombs, and driving them low and slow, is now dominated by them—if anything, we appropriated gabacho culture, for once!
    • Jul 13, 2017
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • Danehy

    How to get on board with the racists and the dolts
    • Jul 6, 2017
  • Political Punch

    After taking a beating at a Trump rally last year, protester Bryan Sanders reflects on what The Donald's presidency means for America
    • Jul 13, 2017
  • More »

Facebook Activity

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation