Favorite

¡Ask a Mexican! 

Dear Readers: The Reconquista has arrived! On May 1, ¡Ask a Mexican! comes out in book form, gracias to the literary madmen at Scribner. Expect more of the same, but más: more essays, more illustrations from Mark Dancey (the gabacho who created this column's logo) and more questions. Below are just a sample of the preguntas the Mexican answers exclusively in his book, broken down by chapters.

Want the answers? Buy the book!

CULTURE

What is it about a pirate-themed football team from Oakland, Calif., of all places, that makes Mexicans so crazy? OK, so they used to have a Hispanic coach and a Hispanic quarterback. Any other reasons?

Cleveland Brownie

FOOD

Can you trust a Mexican with your sushi?

Sayonara, Uncle Sam

FASHION

I used to work at a neighborhood center that serves the Latino community in San Francisco. I noticed that a large number of the Mexican and Central-American people I met smelled strongly of laundry detergent. Additionally, Mexican guys love their stinky cologne. Can you explain this?

Stinkin' Sammy

ETHNIC RELATIONS

Why are Mexicans "proud" to be from Mexico when their country is such a filthy cesspool of lying, thieving child-raping whores? I mean, especially once they make to the United States, why don't they say, "Whew! I may have been born there (Mexico), but I'm sure am glad I got outta that shithole!"?

Mexicans Suck Rick

MUSIC

I am originally from the South and resent country music. Are there Mexicans who are from Mexico and resent that trilling, wailing, accordion-blaring music the same way? Are there kids of Mexican immigrants who can't stand the crap their parents play, the same way my friends and I couldn't stand Ronnie Milsap? Are there Mexicans who think the music similarly reflects stereotypes of being rural, poor and less educated?

Achy Breaky Corazón

SEXO

Why do we always think Mexican men drink tequila and sing mariachi tunes, while the women are pretty señoritas?

Viva México

IMMIGRATION

How am I supposed to like Mexicans that come here by just jumping a fence and running or sneaking onto a transport truck entering this country illegally, when you have law-abiding immigrants working their asses off to come to this country legally?

Love the Mexicans but Hate the Border-Hoppers

LANGUAGE

Why don't Mexicans ever drop their Spanish? Even third- and fourth-generation Mexican Americans still speak the language to some degree or another. I speak Japanese, but I'm losing it quickly, and when my mother passes on, so will my language. The typical Asian-American kid may attend Chinese, Korean or Japanese school on Saturdays, but guess what? They do it because their parents force them to attend, and I bet they speak English during recess.

Feeling a Bit Nippy

Pre-order your copy from Amazon.com today, or get a copy at your local bookstore next week. Keep reading this column to find out when the Mexican invades your town--or, better yet, visit askamexican.net or myspace.com/ocwab for updates and contests. Buy the book, por favor: I need to pay off my coyote!

More by Gustavo Arellano

  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I'm very bothered by the fact that Tom Flores is not in the Hall of Fame.
    • Oct 12, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: With all these NFL players kneeling for the national anthem, how do the Mexicans feel about this?
    • Oct 5, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    "We have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans, both at the same time! It's exhausting!"
    • Sep 28, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Math problem: If there are 20 Mexicans, 20 Indians, 20 Chinese, 20 Puerto Ricans, 20 Blacks, and one white person on a room, then how many people are there in the room who's identity is used as a benchmark to establish the identities of the rest of the people in the room? (Hint: not a colored person.)
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • Ask a Mexican

    • Nov 10, 2016

Latest in Ask a Mexican!

  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I'm very bothered by the fact that Tom Flores is not in the Hall of Fame.
    • Oct 12, 2017
  • Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: With all these NFL players kneeling for the national anthem, how do the Mexicans feel about this?
    • Oct 5, 2017
  • More »

Facebook Activity

© 2017 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation