Police Dispatch

A show-me state of intoxication

North Stone Avenue

May 10, 11:16 a.m.

Caught in public with an open alcohol container, a tipsy transient managed to act both honest and manipulative, crude and poetic, altogether indiscrete and preposterously overparticular, according to a University of Arizona Police Department report.

Late one morning, a UA officer exited the Pima County Justice Court, 240 N. Stone Ave., and was walking toward his motorcycle when he saw a shirtless male nonchalantly strolling in front of him with an open 32-ounce can of Milwaukie's Best beer in his hand.

Just as the man glanced back and noticed the officer, he stopped the man and started with a casual reminder to "make sure he didn't drink beer in public."

"Where does it say that?" asked the man, to which the officer replied with a more detailed statement that it's "a criminal offense to consume liquor in public, and he could be arrested for doing it."

When the man demanded the officer "show it to him (in writing)," the officer said he couldn't physically show him the law but he'd be happy to read it aloud from his phone.

He then specifically requested that the subject not take another drink from his beer—so, apparently in rebellion, the man made a point to drink from it ostentatiously right in front of his face, in a purposefully sloppy manner, lowering the can only to show off "some of the contents left behind on his lips."

This prompted the officer to handcuff the man, making him place the can on the sidewalk and asking him why he'd taken that drink; the man responded, "Because you didn't show me the law."

Asked where he was from, the man enigmatically answered, "Everywhere." (He later clarified, saying he'd meant he was homeless).

The reporting officer called for backup and a patrol vehicle to contain the man—who was now acting more intoxicated than ever, repeatedly exclaiming that he'd done nothing illegal because he'd never actually been shown the law against public drinking.

The backup officer then did show him the law, in writing—but apparently without effect, since the subject continued to shout that he'd done nothing wrong ... all the way to jail, where he was booked for his crime.