No, Saint Valentine is not swooping down from the heavens to help you find your one, true love.
No, Tucson is not bringing Mardi Gras to Fourth Ave (so please don't let me find you running up and down the street topless, throwing beads everywhere).
And no, the Cardinals are not winning the Superbowl. I'm calling it now—you read it here first.
What IS happening is a horror film is being released that actually has a legitimate storyline, and...wait for it...THE BLACK GUY DOESN'T DIE FIRST! I don't know which I'm more excited for because the toss-up here is strong. Now, for the guy (or girl) who just read that last part and immediately opened up another search window and typed in the words "horror movies in which the black guy doesn't die first," let me inform you NOW that this article is tongue in cheek, and should be taken with a grain of salt. I am well aware that the Black guy doesn't always die first (and I did the Google search for you—here's an article that backs that up), but that is the long running joke within the Black community, so humor me if you will and read this through.
Okay, so now that that is cleared up, back to my original point. YES! IT'S TRUE! In February, Jordan Peele (of Comedy Central's "Key and Peele") will be making his directorial debut with his first horror film, called Get Out. Now, I said the Black guy doesn't die first, but that's not entirely true. A Black guy does die first, but not the main character. You're confused. I know. I was too when I first heard about it, but here's the twist: Get Out is a racially charged horror flick (the first of its kind, actually). You're probably wondering what that means—I WAS TOO! Basically, it means that the old lore of White girl brings Black boy home from college to meet the folks, and the folks are cool on the surface, but maybe not *so* cool that they're above letting the Black boy know where he stands, is brought to life, but with a strange, horrific, terrifying twist.
People, I don't even like horror films, but I will see this one. Not because Jordan Peele wrote, produced, and directed it (Go 'head on with ya bad self), and not because it's considered "racially charged." Not even because the main Black guy doesn't die first. I'm seeing this one because it will finally be a scary movie I can watch without having to holler out "Becky! Don't go up those stairs, girl!"
Yup. I just said that.