Porn Plot Halted at Area High School

We’re right in the middle of Banned Books Week in America, so be sure to break out a copy of The Kite Runner, Beloved or (if you’re not all that motivated) Captain Underpants, all of which were on the Top 10 list of books that were challenged in 2012 by the micro-brains who fear the power of the written word.

Or you could pick up a copy of Christina Garcia’s Dreaming in Cuban, which was recently the target of such Tea Party ire in Sierra Vista that Buena High School administrators are celebrating Banned Book Week by banning a book. Way to get into the spirit things, Buena!

The National Book Award finalist, published in 1992, has a minor sex scene that outraged at least one Buena parent, who raised enough of a stink to get the book pulled from the high school’s curriculum.

Ready for the offensive passage? We'll do it after the jump so as to not corrupt our younger readers.

Hugo and Felicia stripped in their room, dissolving easily into one another, and made love against the whitewashed walls. Hugo bit Felicia’s breast and left purplish bands of bruises on her upper thighs. He knelt before her in the tub and massaged black Spanish soap between her legs. He entered her repeatedly from behind.

Felicia learned what pleased him. She tied his arms above his head with their underclothing and slapping him sharply when he asked.

“You’re my bitch,” Hugo said, groaning.

In the morning he left, promising to return in the summer.

Confession time: When I was toiling away with my studies at Rincon High School, I read stuff that was much racier than the supposedly offensive paragraphs. Heck, I got my hands on worse stuff when I was in junior high.

But the reference to doing the nasty provoked an outraged screed in the online Daily Caller headlined “Fifty Shades of the Common Core: How Much Porn Is Too Much for High Schoolers?”

We’re glad those Daily Caller puritans are on the case, although we did have to mightily resist clicking the links on same webpage as the condemnation of the filth our children are being exposed to. Among the options were links to “5 More Sex Etiquette Dos,” “Your Love Life After Kids,” “14 Embarrassing Sex Questions,” a helpful quiz about “How Crazy Are You in Bed” and the Caller’s own slideshows of “17 Hot NFL Cheerleaders,” "11 Women Who Are Defying Physics by Getting Hotter as They Age" and “9 Celebs in Bikinis.” And those are just the words. The pictures—well, we may never be the same.

How Much Porn Is Too Much for Daily Caller Readers?
  • How Much Porn Is Too Much for Daily Caller Readers?

Let’s hope no high-school student ever stumbles across the Daily Caller’s site. Or the Internet in general, because it’s just a swamp of filth. And so much of it smells like bullshit.

Dreaming in Cuban, BTW, was on the list of reading material that’s part of the Common Core standards that were developed by the National Governors Association. But the Obama administration supports the program, which has left certain Tea Party folks hyperventilating about a plot to undermine our schools with Kenyan values or whatever.

The controversy has reached such an absurd height that last week, Gov. Jan Brewer announced the state would not be implementing Common Core standards, even though the Arizona Legislature approved those standards in 2010.

Instead, the state would be implementing Arizona’s College and Career Ready Standards. What precisely are those standards? Well, it turns out they are the same standards as the Common Core standards, but with a different name. Evidently, no one is state government is allowed to say Common Core anymore.

We suspect a certain George Orwell might have something to say about that double-plus-ungood silliness—y’know, as long as you can still get your hands on a copy of Nineteen Eighty-Four.