Taking on the Teabillies, Pt. 2

Are anti-marijuana legislators just ignorant or actively lying?

Allow me to repeat myself, at the risk of repeating myself.

Two weeks ago, I wrote about a Teabilly lawmaker's attempt to repeal the Arizona Medical Marijuana Act by bringing it to voters again in 2014. He introduced a resolution in the Legislature that would force you to pay for a multimillion-dollar do-over, even though recent surveys show that 59 percent of state residents support outright legalization. Even if Teabilly Boy gets his vote, it seems the AMMA will likely pass again.

Last week, medical cannabis advocates fired back at a news conference outside the state Capitol. Jim Dyer, a self-described conservative Republican and an MMJ patient, was there to add his worthy and respectable 2 cents' worth. Dyer, a retired Tucson attorney forced from his job by multiple sclerosis, urged lawmakers to listen to what we said the first time around.

"I don't understand why the Legislature wants to get in the face of the voters again and say, 'Hey, we want you to vote on this again.' ... That's insulting to me, and it should be insulting to the rest of the voters in Arizona," Dyer said.

He thinks authorities should focus on the scores of cannabis clubs that have popped up across the state. The clubs offer space where patients can exchange medication, but they operate in a bit of a gray area of the law. The AMMA doesn't recognize them, and there are no laws governing them. More than a year ago, a judge ordered that they be allowed to remain open until their legality can be sorted out. Dyer thinks—and I agree—that these clubs are the likely source of cannabis diverted to kids, a key concern of the lawmaker who wants another AMMA vote.

Insulting our collective smarts, this Lawmaker Who Shall Remain Nameless thinks we were fooled into thinking that people with serious illnesses would be helped by cannabis. He thinks a lot of patients are lying about chronic pain to get MMJ cards. Well, I have a few choice words for this "man" who is calling me a liar. Here are the first two: Fuck you.

I wish you could walk in my shoes for a day or two. You clearly know what it's like to be a pain in the ass, but it would be fun to watch you rush for the Vicodin if you had one. I've been dealing with chronic pain for more than 20 years—it's right there in black and white on my U.S. Army discharge papers. (It was an honorable discharge, Teabilly Boy.) I didn't ask anyone to write that on my discharge physical—a doctor did it because it's a fact.

Teabilly Boy also thinks no medical authority would say cannabis is helping people. They all say it's hurting you, he says. That's unequivocal bullshit. There are scores and scores of studies, surveys and other tidbits of medical evidence from scores of medical authorities that say otherwise. Scores. Um, that's more than none, Teabilly Boy. He is either lying or completely incompetent with the Internet. It isn't hard to find the medical evidence. You can find it here: http://medicalmarijuana.procon.org

I usually consider the American Medical Association a viable medical authority. They believe cannabis has merit and is worthy of study. The federal government owns a patent on medical cannabis. So the federal government thinks medical cannabis helps people? Hmmmm.

So ultimately what we have is either a horribly ignorant lawmaker who can't manage a simple search of the Internet or a lying lawmaker who tells you that medical professionals don't think cannabis is effective. Either way, I urge extreme caution in listening to the fuckstick. Wait ... on second thought, I urge you to ignore him.

He is irrelevant in the face of progress.