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Things you should not do:
1. Spend $28 at a bar, and not leave a tip.
2. Leave the note "You could stand to loose [sic] a few pounds" on the receipt.
Your bartender might post the receipt on the internet. Her friends might track down a ton of personal information about you. Dan Savage might post something about you. Be nice, people. Just because you work at Microsoft and have a girlfriend with a Kate Spade purse doesn't make you special.