Police Dispatch

Drinkin' in the Boy's Room

La Cholla Boulevard

July 1, 7:23 p.m.

A local man's plan to wet his whistle quickly, conveniently and economically—in fact, at no cost at all—was totally foiled by the fuzz, a Pima County Sheriff's Department report stated.

A sheriff's deputy responded to a west-side Walmart store where a security guard had detained a pretty ordinary-looking man of indeterminate age, who reportedly hadn't caused a disturbance, had been very cooperative with the guard, and hadn't even actually removed any merchandise from the store—yet had effectively stolen two bottles of beer.

The guard explained that he'd watched the subject enter the store headed straight for the liquor department, where he casually "selected" two bottles of Budweiser from a six-pack in a sales display, proceeding immediately to the restroom with the bottles in hand (apparently unconcerned about hiding them). Soon after that, the guard said, he exited the restroom and then almost left the store, carrying nothing and having purchased nothing—before being stopped.

When the subject was asked for his side, he repeated almost verbatim what the guard had said, adding that while in the restroom he'd entered a stall and "consumed the beer while standing up and left the beer bottles on the side near the toilet."

He said he lived nearby, didn't have any money, and "just wanted to drink some alcohol and go home." When the deputy informed him he wasn't actually even allowed in the store due to two previous offenses, the subject apathetically answered that "he was aware he was trespassed from all Walmarts, but the location of the incident today was the closest Walmart for him to get a quick drink of alcohol."

The man's outing became the opposite of convenient as he was arrested for shoplifting and trespassing.