The Zsa Zsas

Club Congress, Friday, May 5

"You have to have an ego to get onstage, but that's beyond it. It's mental illness."

That's former Jam frontman Paul Weller, speaking in Q magazine last month about Bono. If Bono's ego constitutes mental illness, Weller--or anyone, really--would surely have no problem tagging Zsa Zsas frontman Milos Sucrose with a messianic complex. And, though, due to his charisma, one could jump to the conclusion that he's also somewhat of an idiot savant, on closer inspection, the realization will surely hit.

Nope, the guy's just an idiot.

Which was on full display at the Zsa Zsas' annual Cinco de Mayo celebration last week. For those unfamiliar, Sucrose fronts a band of his brothers--the family is from the mysterious Eastern European country Lotsaslavia (don't bother checking a map)--and they never met a medley of pop hits they didn't love (to massacre). Despite the fact that there were seven Sucrose brothers in the band this time around (plus dancer/percussionist/all-around helper-outer Zsa Zsalina), only three were returning members: guitarist Lalos Sucrose, drummer Boutros Boutros Sucrose and, of course, Milos. (Mr. and Mrs. Sucrose must have been awfully busy in their younger years.) And here's the thing: The band itself is superb. Every song--or, more accurately, every song fragment--they completely nail, almost note-perfect. But then Milos comes along to screw it all up, botching lyrics at every turn, even as he's insulting those who have paid good money to see him perform.

The Zsa Zsas kicked off their set with a gorgeous version of instrumental "The Lonely Bull," completely appropriate for a Cinco de Mayo show. But then Milos bounded on stage and soon announced: "We're going to play every song ever written by a Mexican tonight!" Impossible? Of course. But they might have had a better chance at doing so if they had left out such songs as "Mexican Radio" (written by Americans), "Vertigo" (Irish), "Conga" (a Cuban), "Oompa Loompa" (Anthony Newley), and "Hava Nagila" (?!).

But the really offensive stuff came when Milos told the audience to "wipe the shit-eating grin off your faces, and listen to the real story of Cinco de Mayo ... like Christmas for Mexicans," before babbling about Pancho Villa delivering Chiclets and cigarettes to Mexican kids ("they love that shit"). All this served as a lead-in to the song that explained Cinco de Mayo's origins. That song was "Nights in White Satin" by Brits the Moody Blues.

Please, for Milos' sake, vote yes on the upcoming psychiatric-care propositions.