Presidential candidate Richard Grayson, who is running as a Green in Arizona’s Feb. 28 presidential primary, offers a new policy proposal: Deport all Republicans!
Here’s Grayson’s statement:
If by some fluke, I’m elected President, the first thing I will do is to take steps to make the United States great again by deporting all of those who’ve ruined our country, and the great state of Arizona, in recent years:
That’s right, I plan to deport all Republicans.
I know what you’re saying: “Richard, you’re a liberal lawyer and a college professor who’s taught constitutional history, not an ignorant asshole like Russell Pearce and the others who think that the Fourteenth Amendment’s right to birthright citizenship can be taken away. How can you ‘deport’ American citizens? What country would you deport them to? And how could you do this without violating dozens of the Republicans’ constitutional rights from due process to equal protection?”
I understand these concerns, of course. And though I would move as quickly as possible to deport all Republicans — it’s not wise to keep vermin around your house any longer than necessary — I would not deport them to any foreign country.
Instead, I would launch a crash program, a kind of Manhattan Project, to get our most brilliant scientists to create a viable way to send people back into the past. Time travel will allow me to deport the Republicans to what is, indeed, American soil — but they’d be deported back to the eighteenth century!
And this, of course, would get around the problem of denying Republicans’ constitutional rights. The GOP — soon to be G-O-N-E — would voluntarily self-deport to the 1700s.
After, all the fashion-challenged angry old white people of the Tea Party already love to gallivant around in colonial garb. They’d have a place where they could strut in their three-cornered hats and white leggings and not look ridiculously out of place.
In the eighteenth century, Republicans could live in an America where minorities did not have equal rights (African Americans were slaves; Native Americans were massacred), where abortion and homosexuality were, if they ever occurred, punishable by death; where there was no ACLU, no Planned Parenthood, no labor unions, no minimum wage, no “entitlements,” no food stamps, no “safety net,” no ethnic studies, no Lady Gaga, no hip-hop, and few if any vegans, hippies, hipsters, atheists, environmentalists, Darwinists or alternative weeklies.
Everyone would be better off. The Republicans would be much happier living in the past. In the 1700s they’d be up-to-date rather than throwbacks to a previous era, constantly trying to undo the New Deal and the science of the past two centuries. Instead of longing for a bygone America, they’d be living in a place they’d rather be: a bygone America.
(Of course, if they wanted to stay in Arizona, they’d be living under the Spanish empire, but hey, they probably would really love the Inquisition!)
And with all Republicans deported, the rest of us here in the United States could actually achieve some progress.
Twenty-first century America: Love it or leave it.
Hasta la vista, Republicans!
This article appears in Jan 19-25, 2012.
While I generally approve of Richard’s proposal to deport all Republicans, I would plead that an exception be made for Republican presidential candidate Sarah Gonzales. At least give her the chance to switch her affiliation to the Green Party after the February 28th primary.
As an added bonus, they would all quickly die off in the past, when the average life span was about 40 and cholera, polio, smallpox and tuberculosis were bigger worries than colon cancer.
Yes, Richard, please get someone to figure out a way to remove them!
However, I would like to add this one cautionary note: please be sure to deport them to a parallel universe, since, if left in our universe, they undoubtedly would, with their knowledge of the future, attempt to win the Civil War for the South, prevent Andrew Jackson from ridding us of all international banking, stop Teddy Roosevelt from monopoly-busting, prevent the New Deal, tell Nixon to wear a darker color in the 1960 televised presidential debate, and many other things which could negatively affect the outcome of this universe.
Or, you could just forget the time travel concept, brand them as terrorists who wish to subvert the US Constitution in favor of fascist corporate dominance, take away their citizenship (LIEberman & McCain, S.B. 3081), and then indefinitely detain them in Guantanamo (NDAA). That, unfortunately, would currently actually be legal.
Vote Green! Vote Oatman!
Michael Oatman For President of
These United States of America!
Email: 2012@MichaelOatman.co.cc
Website: http://2012.MichaelOatman.co.cc/
With Love, We Can Take the Power Back!
Youre right about republicans, and their views on certain subject, but Democrats are just as bad, hell look at the fool that calls himself president. He’s destroying just about everything that has to do with our heritage, and portraying our past deeds, as thugs and pirates and warmongers…while some of that may be the case, the republicans have NO monopoly in those deeds. Democrats are just as guilty, for “contributing” to the mess we’re all in right now, so don’t throw rocks when you live in a glass house, yourselves. This is what the “poser” wants us to do, fight amongst ourselves, while he attempts to subvert yet another freedom, while our back is turned. The jerk that (supposedly) represents our state, is a perfect example of a dude that has lost his way, and should be relieved of any capacity to inflict more damage to our country and our state. I personally think he’s got it out for all of us, no matter your affiliation…It’s time for McCain to bow-out gracefully, before he gets BOOTED…I’m kinda confused at your choice of words, being a border state and all, when you say to “deport” someone…That’s what we’ve been trying to do about the problems with ILLEGAL ALIENS, yet Obozo and his cronies do NOTHING about that, instead they allow border-crossers through, unimpeded…So how about “deporting” BOTH PARTIES, for their insulence, and other childish ways, and vote LIBERTARIAN, and see things change for the better, for ALL OF US…