Like many NBA teams with no shot at being successful anytime soon, the Phoenix Suns have taken it upon itself to do whatever it can to get lined up for one of the expected plethora of top prospects available in the 2014 draft.

For most of the league’s also-rans, this just means dumping any players with talent in order to put together a roster so pathetic it’s almost guaranteed to result in a bottom-of-the-standings record and the corresponding high draft spot.

But it appears the Suns are taking it one step further and implementing the look-bad, play-bad approach.

With that being said, I bring you the 2013-14 Phoenix Suns uniform lineup, which (of course) was unveiled before a packed crowd of people at Scottsdale Fashion Square who happened to be getting Cinnabon or Sbarro and stumpled upon the event:

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  • Arizona Republic

Yes, those are sleeves on the alternate orange jersey. And yes, there are fancy-schmancy suns bursts on the shorts:

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Not even delving into the fact the ‘SUNS’ part makes me think of Snus smokeless tobacco — I smell a sponsorship deal!!!!! — the jerseys overall look way too much like the early 90s uniforms popularized by Charles Barkley, which themselves were hideous.

Ultimately, though, the new unis will still probably sell a shit ton’s worth, which is really the only reason the Suns keep changing them (this is the fourth change since 1968, by the way). And for anyone who’s on the fence about making a new purchase, you can read this flowery article from the Arizona Republic that basically reads like a press release as far as describing the unis’ “nine speed rays coming off the numbers symbolize the nine former players in the team’s Ring of Honor” and other such blah, blah, blah.

7 replies on “Phoenix Suns’ New Uniforms Prove Tanking Involves More Than Just Bad Players”

  1. Wow, talk about a poorly written article that reeks of jealousy. I live in Tucson and this still just reads as petty, jealous drivel. Get over the fact that Phoenix has pro sports teams and find a real publication to write for, you hack.

  2. As a Phoenix native, I must say this is the best article I’ve seen written yet about the new uniforms. Speaks the truth. As indicated above far better than the bs article written by the Arizona Republic. Check any public forum where fans are posting, the comments are all the same, and the verdict is that these uniforms are a complete failure.

  3. The purple unis are not bad, but jeez, the other three are an insult to Phoenix and the NBA.

  4. the grey protrusions I thought were sunrays in earlier pics now seem more likely to be stylized phoenix wings, coming off the orange sun.
    underwhelming at best – a number of fan ideas on the realGM discussion boards were more effective than these two-years in the making ouftits

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