During my three-plus years living in a master-planned community I’ve received my fair share of threats letters from the homeowner’s association regarding the inevitable weeds that pop up in the yard thanks to all-or-nothing rainfall we get around these parts during the summer.
(There was also that note a year ago about having an “illegal” plant in my front yard, despite having made no alterations to the shrubbery since moving in, but that’s a different story.)
For the most part, though, when my yard starts to look a little sketchy, I tend to it. Or, rather, pay my kids Nike sweat lodge-like wages to do the tending for me.
If only all homeowners (or renters, as is the case with me and most of my neighbors) operated in the same way. Instead, the Tucson area could be known just as much for some ugly-ass front yards as for its Sonoran hot dogs or perpetual road construction.
Which is probably why a reality show emailed me and many of my Weekly colleagues today to announce an Arizona-wide casting call for “the ugliest front yards in America.” Good to see Arizona is still considered part of ‘Merica, at least by reality TV standards.
The show is called “Desperate Landscapes,” which makes me think Eva Longoria is going to gaze longingly as her yard boy mows the lawn, while unbeknownst to her a neighbor is blowing her brains out and another is sleeping with the mailman. But according to the show’s Web site, a contractor named Jason Cameron and a team of no doubt fabulously (and unrealistically) pretty workers spend two days turning a nightmare into something worth yelling “GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!” about.
Got a crappy lawn? Or know of one in your neighborhood, go ahead an apply to be on the show.
This article appears in Sep 26 – Oct 2, 2013.
I think the entire length of Grant could be considered ugly. But I guess they are looking for a residential ugly yard.
Individual taste draws a crooked line between a Tucson “natural” yard and an ugly one. On the one hand I like a natural looking front yard with native desert plants. I watch every young weed to see if it’s a native or not. If it’s native, I say ‘welcome to the yard!’ Meanwhile, some neighbor calls my yard into the city every time my wildflowers get over 6 inches tall.
Interesting that the last couple of times the yard rescue people have come to town the results were them building a bunch of decking and swimming pools. I say let the kids play in the sand, grow a garden and hunt for tarantulas and scorpions at night.
As to how Grant looks, probably nobody with a business or residence wants to spend money on landscaping while the widening project goes on for the next half-decade.
I am still waiting for a show called “Pimp my Homeless Camp” so I can apply.