James Cameron, a director who previously could do no wrong in my book, takes a giant step into a big blue turd with Avatar, a movie packed with super visuals but sorely lacking in good writing.
Look, I have no problem with big, vacuous entertainment. If it looks good, and the principals make it fun, then I don’t really care how stupid it is. The worst thing about Cameron’s latest epic is that he wants—practically demands—for you to take it seriously, with its environmental message and “war on terror” parallels. It’s a nearly three-hour message movie that could’ve been written by an eighth grader. No, make that a fifth grader.
Set somewhere in the future, evil earthlings have set their eyes on Pandora, a big jungle planet rich with expensive minerals. Scientists have conjured a way to supposedly make nice with the planet’s inhabitants, the Na’vi.
The Na’vi are sort of crosses between Rastafarians and Wes Studi’s character from The Last of the Mohicans. They are a shiny blue color, and their fashion consists of thongs and big ear piercings. They are a quiet, kind species, although they will hiss at you like a cat if you piss them off, and will shoot you with toxic darts if you go near them without an invite. OK, maybe they’re not that nice.
Here’s the scientists’ idea: combine human DNA with alien DNA to create Human/Na’vi hybrid bodies that can be controlled by humans from sleep chambers fashioned with neural net devices. This essentially makes the sleeper a real life participant on Pandora. Oh yeah, that’s just the sort of thing to make an indigenous species feel comfortable. Make freaky, half human clones that can mix right in with you and your neighbors.
When one of the hybrid drivers, a paraplegic Marine named Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), crosses paths with warrior princess Neytiri (Zoe Saldana, Star Trek’s new Uhura), she takes him under her wing and shows him the ways of Pandora.
Meanwhile, Jake has a behind-the-scenes shady deal with a nasty Marine commander (Stephen Lang) to get his legs back on Earth. Will Jake help to remove the Na’vi from their land and get evil Earth its precious mineral? Or will Jake turn against evil Earth because he prefers being blue and wearing a thong? Gee … I wonder which way this thing is going to go?
Cameron infuses the film with lame dialogue like “terror on terror” and bulldozers knocking down “spirit trees” to conjure up parallels to current real-life troubles with war and rainforests. He does it in a way that is so insultingly obvious, it kills any chance to be emotionally invested in the film.
I was impressed by fleeting moments in the movie, such as winged beasts flying into canyons strewn with waterfalls, and the wonders of Neytiri’s 3-D blue ass. Actually, do not go to anything but a 3-D screening if you decide to take this one in. God help those who opt for the 2-D version. That must be a slog through hell!
Earlier this year, Bruce Willis starred in a clunker called Surrogates, in which he played a detective in a world where people stayed in their apartments while robot versions of themselves ran around living their lives. It’s essentially the same gimmick as Avatar, although the robots aren’t light blue and they wear pants. Avatar is, essentially, a very rich man’s Surrogates.
Sigourney Weaver plays a head scientist occupying one of the hybrids, and it looks enough like her to give you the creeps. Her avatar is dressed as if it’s in the Peace Corps, wearing cargo pants instead of a thong. And boo to James Horner, whose score for the film often rips off the one he did for Cameron’s Titanic.
Without a doubt, this is Cameron’s worst film since Piranha Part Two: The Spawning, and that film may’ve actually had better character development than can be found in the bloated Avatar. Not a nice way to cap the decade in film.
This article appears in Dec 24-30, 2009.
Your review sucks! You must be one of the evil earthlings lol The movie had a good message and the picture was incredible! Alot of us are rushing through life, hardly anybody has any real values anymore, our world has come to nothing more than money and lust. We are killing it and soon might find ourselves in something like this movie. BOOO your REVIEW SUXCKS!!
The problem with most “professional”reviewers is how they let their mind take over with its jaded perspective and lose their soul in the process… Meanwhile, this will make more money than Titanic, get mostly great reviews from the people that really matter -moviegoers, and change the way we make movies once again…
MIND-BLOWING MASTERPIECE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS
You didn’t mention “Avatar’s” budget exceeded the most expensive film ever made, “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”. With a budget estimated over $300 million, I think “Avatar” gets more bang for its buck.
I just saw “Avatar” last night and was absolutely mesmerized! A kaleidoscope of hyper-vivid imagery, this tops every visually stunning film I’ve ever seen. I went into the theatre a little suspicious and worried a good storyline might have been lost in the digital hoopla. This film did not disappoint. Perhaps you hit the nail on the head. It could have been written by a 5th grader (and that’s the genius of it); Cameron keeps the message clear and concise – easy enough for ANYONE to understand. It’s a message of love and peace; something everyone should and can relate to. I’m glad someone is finally addressing the rainforest/global environmental issues in epic proportions on the big screen to question and evaluate man’s neglect and abuse of the earth. Beyond a poignant message, it gives us something really astounding and beautiful to look at along the way. It’s a sensory overload, a revolutionary cinematic experience to process – it dazzles retinas!
This is a MUST SEE on the big screen – and do make sure you opt for 3-D. It’s a mind-blowing masterpiece. This is film history being made. It has changed moviemaking as we know it. For me, a step forward like this in technological movie screen magic hasn’t been felt quite like this since “Jurassic Park” (remember how freaking cool that movie was at the time?). Cameron and crew have set the bar for more awe-inspiring movies to come.
This film IS worth seeing – you can bet your Na’vi thong on it.
HISS! Hissing at you like a protective Na’vi!
If the readers of this horrible review have the time, I recommend taking a trip to Phoenix and seeing it in IMAX. We saw it in 3-D at a local theater and liked it so much, we decided to get the IMAX experience. The 3-D effect of IMAX pulls the viewer further into the Na’vi world.
Oh….and if you do go to Phoenix, get there an hour early. There wasn’t an empty seat in the place. The really good seats, in the middle of each row, where full 45 minutes before the showing.
War and Peace is the most expensive movie ever made. Do real research. Mr. Grimm has never let me down before, and being a student of film, everyone should know that the most important part about a movie is the story. I’m sure this movie was made for the masses and the people who can’t look past the muck of ignorance spread all across ideology today.
You stupid ugly american….James was producing an ugly image that illustrated how stupid the american people are in engaging in a criminal war against Iraq. The people of Iraq can be considered like kindergarden kids playing in the sand box compared to the extremely over the top american super power. WAKE UP YOU STUPID UGLY AMERICAN JACKASS. If you had a heart connected to your small brain maybe you would understand that James was making a point that this powerful country mad a huge mistake by invading Iraq and he expressed that brilliantly you stupid idiot. OVER 2 million humans have been killed in Iraq. GET IT.
EllaFelix, that’s cool to toot your film student horn. War and Peace cost US$100 million back in the 1960s. If inflation is taken into account, that would be US$700 million today – so you’re 1/2 right, 1/2 wrong in reciting what was presented to you in class. It all depends on how you look at it. I’m pointing out the current most expensive film ever made in the 21st century. BTW, I studied art – and I learned something that brings strong emotion forward and creates a stir of controversy – whether you like the piece or hate it – has done its job. It’s a success if people are talking about it.
It’s not even close to the best movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s a lot better story than Hollywood manages most of the time. And it was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had in a motion picture theater, except maybe when I was in my teens with . . . .
Well, I’m old enough for medicare now and I’ve never been so drawn into a motion picture (or digital equivalent thereto) as I was by this piece of Cameron’s magic. That’s a lot of years and a lot of movies. All in all, Avatar won an easy thumbs up from me. And this review gets an easy thumbs down.
The reality of professional reviewers continues to baffle me. When they say crap like “This movie is horrible but everyone will love it,” I think that means the professional is a snob at best, and more likely a wannabe who couldn’t make a decent film if the best raw footage ever produced was handed to him in a can (that’s a film can not a soda can). Is Avatar the most artsy, cinematically innovative or profound movie ever made? Absolutely not. Is it an eye-popping movie with a great, though simple, message? Definitely. I saw this movie for the first time in 3D IMAX in Phoenix, and can’t wait until next weekend so I can see it again here in Tucson with other friends. A friend who has seen it at the IMAX and on a digital screen (the IMAX is 70mm film) actually said he preferred the 3D effects on the digital (non-IMAX) screen. Probably something to do with the flicker of a film projector.
At any rate, IGNORE MR. GRIMM (a very appropriate name, btw) and EllaFelix and GO SEE THIS MOVIE. Unless of course you’re a stick-in-the-mud who can’t appreciate that something can be wonderfully entertaining without using $20 words and hi-falutin’ cinematography techniques like deep focus and subjective perspective.
I suggest that professional reviewers should just gripe amongst themselves and let the rest of us enjoy life.
This review is spot on. The story is overly simplistic, and the story has been told a hundred times. Military bad. Humans bad. Nature good. Native people good. Humans destroys nature. Military boy falls in love with native girl, changes his mind, and helps native people. Military loses, nature wins. To really enjoy the movie, you could probably drop acid or do some shrooms to enhance the psychedelic effect. The story’s so basic, you’d understand it no matter how f’ed up you were. Or, you could rent Dances With Wolves and adjust the color balance so the Indians’ skin is blue. It’d be the same movie.
bob, you called it, and kudos for being one of the brave critics to go against cv on this piped up piece of oscar mayer. may a “film” like this come along once in a blue moon, or less.