America has been dumbing down for the past few decades in what has been an intellectual death of a thousand cuts.
From exponential grade-inflation at Harvard to the fact that even one person in this country would watch Jersey Shore, it has been a long, steady slide into mediocrity. It is with great regret that I report that the national period of dumbing down is coming to an end, having been replaced with an accelerated program of stupiding down. Apparently, the old way wasn’t creating morons at a rapid-enough pace.
I witnessed the tipping point the other day and experienced a sadness that defies description. I thought that God, having revealed to me the depths to which our society could sink, was going to take me right then and there. However, He didn’t; maybe God was busy elsewhere, or perhaps He just doesn’t give a crap about me. Or maybe there isn’t even a God at all to give a crap about anybody. (Exhibit A: Syria.)
We’ve all seen the signs leading up to this point. There were little things, like the idiot woman who sued McDonald’s because the hot coffee she spilled on herself turned out to be … hot. It doesn’t cost McDonald’s anything to print a warning on the cups, but the warning is only there to keep McDonald’s from getting sued by the next stupid person who doesn’t know what “hot” means.
When I was in Yellowstone National Park recently, there were signs everywhere warning people not to walk right up to the bears or the bison. You really need a sign for that? Actually, it appears that they do, because the week after I was there, some guy got thrown in the air and stomped on by a buffalo he had walked right up to.
I remember my dismay when the University of Arizona changed the letter grade F to an E to keep from hurting people’s feelings. What the heck?! You’re attending a major university; you didn’t complete the course in a satisfactory manner. You failed; you didn’t eail. Besides, a little bit of failure is good for people. It teaches us to strive for and appreciate success all the more.
Anyway, to my Armageddon Moment: I was in a grocery store. Having gotten everything I needed, and after staring at the fried chicken in the deli section for way too long before eventually turning away, I approached the checkout stands. I only had a few items in my shopping cart, so I looked for the express lane. And then I saw it, the sign that marked the beginning of the end for our civilization. In the express lane, there was a sign that read “Around 15 Items.”
This goes way beyond catering to the scofflaws in our society who believe that speed limits are merely suggestions. This is telling people that they don’t have to take the time to count to 15 (!) before they inconvenience others. It’s insane!
We’ve all been there before, stuck in that line behind people who are unloading a full cart, oblivious to those around them, as well as to the concept of numbers.
It has happened to me so many times over the years that I began to categorize the jerks. I have never seen an African American do that. I don’t know if that means that they are especially polite, or maybe it’s just that only 2 percent of Tucsonans are black. I haven’t done an entire demographic breakdown of the phenomenon, but I do know that the mode (that which occurs most often in a statistical sample) involves a woman who thinks that she’s better-looking than she actually is.
One time, I was behind this woman who probably had 30 items. I pointed out the sign to her, and she said, in Spanish, “I can’t read English.” That makes it OK?!
I asked her, also in Spanish, “¿Como se dice ’15’ en español?”
She repeated that she couldn’t read English, at which time I said, “So that means you don’t drive, because you can’t read the street signs, right?” That woman is basically the poster child for the “Re-elect Joe Arpaio” campaign.
Even Lindsay Lohan, who is as dumb as a stick, said, “Math is the same in every language.” Oh of course, it was in a movie, and Tina Fey had written the words for her, but she did manage to get through the line without passing out, throwing up or hitting somebody with her car.
Another time at the store, a teenage girl looked back, somewhat embarrassed, and said, “I guess I can’t count up to 15.”
I said, “Yeah, that home-schooling sucks.”
I now know that most home-schooled kids can, indeed, count to 15. They would just never be in a supermarket with other human beings.
Anyway, I sought out the store manager and asked him about the “Around 15” sign, and his response (speaking for the entire grocery-store chain) was, “Well, you know …”
When I assured him that I most certainly did not know, he said, “Like, what if they have 16?”
I don’t know if I’m going to shop there very much in the future. If they can do something like that, then pretty soon, they’re probably going to be selling stuff called Maybe a Mango or Sorta Steak.
This article appears in Jul 26 – Aug 1, 2012.
Clever and hilarious!
…but you have now offended practically everyone in the world of cyber-indignancy beginning with jingoists and working your way down through churchgoers, the litiginous, UA, minority groups, reality and celebrity addicts, grocery stores, homeschoolers and most of all morons. I don’t think you have missed anyone!
Your point is well taken re idiocy, especially rude, selfish idiocy. The antidote, which most ignore, is respect.
Right on, Danehy. At any CVS drive-thru, there’s a sign that reads; “As a courtesy to others, you cannot wait at the window while we fill your prescription”. And yes, you need a sign for that because an awful lot of people are selfish and unthinking. I was behind a black woman at Safeway in the express lane with my six-pack of beer and bag of hot dog buns. She had 20 items, and a coupon for each one. Some of the coupons were expired or for the wrong store. She argued with the check out clerk about the price of some of the items and didn’t get her money out of her purse until after a final amount for the bill was stated. The clerk and everyone else waited while she dug through her purse, looked through every pocket in her wallet, decided that she didn’t have enough money even after counting all her change (twice!), and had to go get her husband who was standing at the customer service desk, buying cigarettes. By the time she had finished the transaction, Safeway had to call another clerk up and open another express line to deal with the overflow of angry, impatient customers. Race had nothing to do with it. It’s just plain rude selfish behavior by self-absorbed, self-important cretins. I blame the cult of individualism in this country.
When you find yourself upset by trivia it’s time to ask what’s gone wrong in your own life. Life is far too good to be spoiled by impotent rage.
I don’t get upset be the person with 20 or 30 items in the 15 item lane, it’s the one’s with 88 or 106 items and 24 coupons. Better yet when they break it up into 3 separate orders of 30 to 40 items.
Try teaching at a college level.
You sign up for a college class, pay big bucks in tuition and books, get handed a syllabus which is read to you in class explaining the goals and expectations for the class, then stop coming and along about finals time, start hounding the instructor for what can you do to pass.
I’ve actually had students come to me on the first day of class and ask, “What is the minimum I need to do to pass? ”
The one thing that makes up for it is those students who genuinely care, ask questions, participate, and make an effort to learn the material. There are still some very bright, motivated people out there.
But if you don’t care enough to read the book and ask a few questions, I can’t help. I won’t be there standing by your side to help if you get a job and don’t have a clue what you are supposed to be doing.
And most bosses still make some unreasonable demands on you. Things like showing up every day on time and actually putting in a full days worth of work.
Yes, I guess the supermarket signs that used to say “15 items or less” were too vague.
It’s like saying, “pi is about 3”.
” the idiot woman who sued McDonald’s because the hot coffee she spilled on herself turned out to be … hot. It doesn’t cost McDonald’s anything to print a warning on the cups, but the warning is only there to keep McDonald’s from getting sued by the next stupid person who doesn’t know what “hot” means.”
It’s a *very* safe bet that if you found Tom right now and quizzed him on the particulars of this case, he wouldn’t be able to accurately relate them to you even with screws to his thumbs.
Dumb as nails conventional wisdom fake-ass pretend “common sense” hackery, the man’s chief talent…
My fave? Cooking instructions on say pot pies that tell you to take the food out of the box first. Seriously, if you are that unaware please don’t get near a stove.
Perhaps the best way to avoid stupidity is to realize that we are all stupid from time to time, and one of the causes of stupidity is ignorance. Point of fact? Perhaps Mr. Danehy you should educate yourself with the case of the “idiot” woman who burned herself with the hot coffee. Start by taking a look at the photos of her burned skin, and perhaps that will intrigue you to find out the particulars of the case. Only then you can make an informed judgement and use the example to lecture others on their incompetence. Anything less only shows the stupidity of basing an opinion on ignorance.
McDonald’s served boiling hot coffee, far hotter than necessary, at its drive-through window, before cup-holders were standard features of automobiles. While driving away from the window the woman lost her grip on the cup, spilling the boiling liquid into her lap. The coffee was so hot the suffered 3rd degree burns to her vagina and perineum, requiring multiple skin grafts and many months of physical therapy before returning to a semblance of normal life. If the coffee had been just a few degrees cooler, the burns would not have been so devastating. The jury ruled (rightfully, imho) that McDonald’s should have recognized the risk of serving boiling hot coffee to people at their drive-through windows and compensated the woman for her medical care as well as considerable pain and suffering.
Who’s the dumb one, Danehy?
It seems to me that Danehy writes a variation of the same column every week. Isn’t it about time The Weekly found a more interesting columnist to fill its pages?
So the store manager sees the new sign go up and thinks to himself, “Great, now some recluse writer type will, after he’s through staring at the fried chicken, get his undies in a knot and want to ask me why there is no hard number – as if the sign is some sort indication of the end of society as we know it. He’s probably the type who would give someone unloading his cart shit about having 16 instead of 15 items, which is why the sign is going up in the first place – it’s for people like he. The worst part is that no matter what I say he will not be satisfied, so I’ll end up saying, ‘Well, you know….’, and even that will piss him off…….he’ll probably write about it……I hope he does not name the store.”
My stupidity tipping point? Reading this article.
I think Danehy is spot on here. My recent experiences shopping in Tucson mirror those reported in this article. Furthermore, many of the check-out clerks were functionally illiterate; they could not perform simple math and had difficulties reading. Arizona’s educational system is abysmal, and the evidence is demonstrated clearly in this article and my experience in the classroom with college students from Arizona.
i feel the same way about the mmj laws its so legal im going to jail over it not to mention a crimnal record and bankrupt oh yeah get pissed at the idiots who say mmj is legal
I’ve had my dumb moments – usually what happens is that I’m in a hurry and am not thinking. However, I am NOT like the woman in the McD’s drive thru and put the hot coffee BETWEEN MY LEGS instead of in the cup holder. I’ve been in “15 items or less” lines and had 16-17 items. I asked if it was OK first. Always, they’ve said yes. I used to have a funny story about every time I would by tampons, they would always have to do a price check OVER THE SPEAKER. That bad luck happened to me for at least 10 years and luckily someone figured out how to price the damn tampon box.
Tom,
Shame on you for propagating the myths about the woman who spilled coffee on herself and subsequently sued McDonalds. The circumstances of the accident, as they are popularly accepted (and widely supported by corporate types who oppose all personal injury cases), are grossly distorted .
You might wish to be better informed before continuing to pass on this junk:
http://www.officer.com/article/10249715/th…
I have read the above article on the actual lawsuit, carefully. I still think it was a frivolous lawsuit. The fact that she was badly burned when she spilled hot coffee on herself does not make her an innocent victim.
For the most part, I concur with Danehy’s article. EXCEPT for the part of the—let me get this straight—Mexican woman likely to vote for Sheriff Arpaio. Your average non-English speaking Mexican, who likely gained entrance to this country illegally for the purpose of sponging off the generous American welfare system, is not your average pro-Arpaio voter. Rather, that woman Danehy encountered in the market is your stalwart pro-Obummer voter, who, with the other 35 percent on welfare, will indubitably vote to give the provider-in-chief another term, thereby granting herself a continued stream of taxpayer funded freebies.
In Danehy’s attempt to castigate Maricopa County Sheriff Arpaio, he actually gives credibility to the man who’s work helps rid our society of that dirty, leaching, south-of-the-border riff raff. Thank you Danehy, for inadvertently telling it like it is. We know you didn’t mean to, but your this time your intelligence trumped your stupidity.
I was of the same opinion as Tom regarding the McDonald’s coffee thing until I watched the documentary, “Hot Coffee”. Do yourself a favor and watch it.
If you’re going to complain about ignorance, laziness, and stupidity in America, at least get the facts on Stella Liebeck correct.
Yup! 16 items in the 15 item lane surely signifies the beginning of the end. Next thing you know people might start driving 5-10 miles over posted speed limits! The horror.
I think firelog missed the point — the way I read it, Tom was suggesting that this stupid woman was a good reason to support Arpaio.
The McDonalds scalding coffee case turned out to be good….. good for lawyers.
That’s why I use the ‘self checkout’ at frys. The renewed store has 8.
“I think firelog missed the point — the way I read it, Tom was suggesting that this stupid woman was a good reason to support Arpaio.”
Don2135: I read that passage again, and just maybe you’re correct. Thanks for the insight. Either way, that woman needs to return to wherever she came from.
As someone who works for Walmart I can tell you it doesn’t stop at the express line. Customers are pretty much allowed to do anything they please. In my day it was, “if you break it, open it, use it or destroy it you bought it”, “clearance sales were final” and “children weren’t allowed to run about the store like it was their personal playground”. Not anymore in fact customers can physically assault employees and management won’t press charges…you’re on your own. The world has gone to hell.
Firelog:
Do you beileve it to be possible that this woman was in Tucson on vacation? Do you speak the language everywhere you travel to? More to the point, just because she doesn’t speak English does not necessarily mean that she is here illegally, or is on welfare, or is doing anything detrimental other than purchasing American goods and paying Arizonan sales taxes. If you want to be anti-immigrant, there are certainly arguments to be made for that opinion, but in this case, you seem to be making a judgment based solely on a language difference.
It confounds me that Mr. Danehy, or anyone else, could have a soft spot in their heart for poor ol’ picked-on MacDonald’s. Lookit: The woman required skin graphs fertheluvagod. That’s not hot, it’s freakin’ unexcusably, criminally hot. What if the coffee had be spilled on a child? He/she could have been disfigured for life, because Ronald thinks first about the needs of some few suburban commuters, and then – if ever – about anything else. Much in the trial centered on how hot is “hot,” and how hot does “hot” really need to be? The court had all the facts; Mr. Danhey obviously had/has few/none. Perhaps Mr. D. could answer those questions for us instead of offering a shoot-from-the-hip, tea party “harrumph!”
You sure sound like the sick one Tom. Your horse is pretty high for most of us. What are you smoking to make us care about your writing’s. Get a life and learn how to cope.You and the people you meet will live longer.