We gabachos get differing reports regarding the
Reconquista. Some say it’s a genuine movement that’s well underway.
Others claim it’ll never happen, but it’s useful as a slogan that both
antagonizes white America and energizes young Mexicans.
Let’s say for now it’s a genuine movement destined for success.
What would victory look like, culturally, politically, etc.? Would the
ideal situation be for Mexico to annex the Southwest, or would it be
preferred as a separate political entity, where Spanish is the
language, and Mexican culture is upheld, but the country doesn’t have
the drawbacks of being part of Mexico (kind of like the situation with
Taiwan and China)?
As I think about it, I guess what I’m trying to ask is: How much
influence does U.S. culture have on Mexicans who have lived in this
country for a while? Do they start to appreciate some aspects of the
American way of life enough to want to retain them, or would everything
American be rejected?
Curious Gabacho in Oregon
Dear Gabacho: You were doing such a good job, but that Know Nothing
doubt at the end: ¿Qué chingada? OF COURSE
Mexicans appreciate the American way. If that wasn’t the case, you
wouldn’t have seen so many of us screwed over by the mortgage meltdown.
Gotta keep up with the Gonzalezes, you know?
But you really want to know what we wabs have in store for
the Reconquista. Very simple: First, we exile Carlos Mencia. Then we’ll
intermarry with all races to further the melting pot us Mexis created
but you gabachos usurped. Some anchor baby will become
presidente, equipped with a college degree just to fuck with
y’all. Being good students of American history, we’ll make sure not to
discriminate against minorities like ustedes did. The United
States will continue, stronger than before, and with no real change,
because Mexicans didn’t come to this país to turn it into
another Mexico.
But we’ll become too American—eventually, our growing
sloth will be our downfall, and the Guatemalans will destroy us
all.
From which states do the majority of Mexicans in the United
States come from? I often see window and bumper stickers with the names
of Mexican states. Do Mexicans distinguish themselves with statehood
pride, apart from Mexican pride?
Stately Señor
Dear Gabacho: Segunda question first: Yes, just like
Americans do, and just like goombahs distinguish their heritage as,
say, either Sicilian or Genovese.
First pregunta: It depends on where you live in los
Estados Unidos. Numbers on the breakdown of how many Mexicans from
a particular state have invaded the United States are notoriously
inexact, with neither American nor Mexican ethnographers providing
accurate stats due to the double curveball of illegals and
pochos who still identify with their parents’ states (like your
humble wab—¡puro Jerez, Zacatecas,
cabrones!). Historically, the top states sending Mexicans to
el Norte were from the northern and central parts of the
country—Sonora, Jalisco, Zacatecas, Michoacán and the
like—due to proximity, socioeconomic strife and chain
migration.
But with the advent of the Reconquista, different Mexicans go to
different places, and a lot of them are Mexicans gabachos never
knew existed. California has the largest communities of folks from
Oaxaca, many of whom don’t even speak Spanish as a first language. In
Chicago, the dominant group is from Durango, whose main contributions
to Mexi culture are Pancho Villa and pasito duranguense. It
seems every third Mexican in Texas who ain’t Tex-Mex comes from
northern Mexico, specifically Nuevo Leon, Tamaulipas and Chihuahua. And
so many people from the central Mexican state of Puebla have migrated
to the Big Apple in the past couple of decades—more than half of
all Mexicans in the city, according to the Institute for Mexicans
Abroad—that those in the know call it Puebla York.
So, gabachos: Know your Mexicans so you better know how to
hate. Quick hint: Tell those from Jalisco they’re little better than
nayaritas …
Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net,
myspace.com/ocwab or facebook.com/garellano; find him on Twitter;
or write via snail mail at Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA
92815-1433!
This article appears in Sep 17-23, 2009.