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    Fruit Loops Everywhere
      A man was found not only living in squalor, but also having spread food and paint around his house in the belief that it would protect him from trespassers, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
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    Bee Misdeed
      Someone, or more precisely several people, took a considerable amount of trouble to steal a very valuable quantity of ... well ... bees.
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      Die, Marriage, Die!; A Perfect 10
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    Not Exactly a Pickup Artist
      A pathological woman-harasser with racist leanings was finally kicked out of a grocery store after making some beyond-inappropriate statements to an employee (and also causing a public disturbance over some paper napkins he'd "autographed").
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    Couldn't Scream Her Way Out of It
      A woman being investigated for screaming didn't even try to explain herself to law enforcement—she just wouldn't stop screaming—so she ended up in jail (where she was left still yelling in a cell).
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    Vajayjay Dismay
      A UA employee was mildly traumatized when she encountered a graphic depiction of female genitalia in the women's restroom.
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    He's Not Playing Around (and Neither Are the Cops)
      A 37-year-old man living in his mom's trailer threw a criminally disturbing tantrum when he couldn't use his PlayStation because a neighbor had been stealing his family's wifi to watch porn, forcing his mother to disconnect their Internet.
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    One Woman's Bad Day, Another's Bad Hair Day
      A woman randomly took her personal problems out on an unfortunate female convenience-store clerk—screaming, throwing things and even pulling out the clerk's hair.
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    “But Officer, I’m Speed-Blind!”
      A young man didn't even bother to make the lamest excuse when a cop caught him showing off the speed of his Chevy Camaro in the middle of town at 2 a.m.
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    One (very) tough customer
      A random gas-station patron on a Sunday morning was brutally unkind to an attendant—actually making her cry—for absolutely no discernible reason.
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    Not What You Want to See on Your TV
      A woman's friend left her a sarcastic parting "thank-you" note by etching an insult directly onto the woman's big-screen TV after she let the subject stay as a guest at her home, a PCSD report stated.
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      Possible public sex turns into a drug citation ... a man learns that drinking (all afternoon) and driving don't mix
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    (Storage) Space Invaders
      A couple of women made themselves quite at home in a stranger's storage unit—even fashioning a (very crude) "restroom" for themselves there.
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    Must've Been His Roommate's Beer
      A guy was very wishy-washy (and nonsensical) regarding whether he'd stolen beer from a grocery store and whether he'd assaulted a female shopper.
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    A True Bagman
      Sheriff's deputies took one more local "seafood pusher" off the streets after they caught a guy in a southwest-side Walmart with numerous bags of frozen shrimp shoved down his pants.
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    Swank Sweatshirt Swindler
      A fashion-forward young man attending the UA had his dorm room mysteriously burglarized—and although all that was taken were three sweatshirt ... well, they were very expensive ones.
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  • Police Dispatch

    The Nonsmoking Gun
      A trailer-park woman who'd just quit smoking wielded an apparent rifle—later judged to have been a BB gun—at her neighbors' family due to her annoyance with their barking dogs.
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  • Police Dispatch

    Sadly, Not the Way It Works
      A drunk, hungry panhandler with an apparently strong craving for meat shoplifted scads of it after being denied the meat for free—justifying his theft by saying that if roles were reversed and deputies had been hungry and broke.
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