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  • Police Dispatch

    Fruit Loops Everywhere
      A man was found not only living in squalor, but also having spread food and paint around his house in the belief that it would protect him from trespassers, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.
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  • Police Dispatch

    Bee Misdeed
      Someone, or more precisely several people, took a considerable amount of trouble to steal a very valuable quantity of ... well ... bees.
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  • Police Dispatch

      Die, Marriage, Die!; A Perfect 10
  • Police Dispatch

    Not Exactly a Pickup Artist
      A pathological woman-harasser with racist leanings was finally kicked out of a grocery store after making some beyond-inappropriate statements to an employee (and also causing a public disturbance over some paper napkins he'd "autographed").
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  • Police Dispatch

    Couldn't Scream Her Way Out of It
      A woman being investigated for screaming didn't even try to explain herself to law enforcement—she just wouldn't stop screaming—so she ended up in jail (where she was left still yelling in a cell).
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  • Police Dispatch

    Vajayjay Dismay
      A UA employee was mildly traumatized when she encountered a graphic depiction of female genitalia in the women's restroom.
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  • Police Dispatch

    Cascarón Car Caper
      A local driver and a bicyclist were chased around midtown at about 2 a.m. by someone throwing eggs out a car window
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  • Police Dispatch

    He's Not Playing Around (and Neither Are the Cops)
      A 37-year-old man living in his mom's trailer threw a criminally disturbing tantrum when he couldn't use his PlayStation because a neighbor had been stealing his family's wifi to watch porn, forcing his mother to disconnect their Internet.
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  • Police Dispatch

    One Woman's Bad Day, Another's Bad Hair Day
      A woman randomly took her personal problems out on an unfortunate female convenience-store clerk—screaming, throwing things and even pulling out the clerk's hair.
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  • Police Dispatch

    “But Officer, I’m Speed-Blind!”
      A young man didn't even bother to make the lamest excuse when a cop caught him showing off the speed of his Chevy Camaro in the middle of town at 2 a.m.
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  • Police Dispatch

    One (very) tough customer
      A random gas-station patron on a Sunday morning was brutally unkind to an attendant—actually making her cry—for absolutely no discernible reason.
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  • Police Dispatch

    Not What You Want to See on Your TV
      A woman's friend left her a sarcastic parting "thank-you" note by etching an insult directly onto the woman's big-screen TV after she let the subject stay as a guest at her home, a PCSD report stated.
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  • Police Dispatch

      Possible public sex turns into a drug citation ... a man learns that drinking (all afternoon) and driving don't mix
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    (Storage) Space Invaders
      A couple of women made themselves quite at home in a stranger's storage unit—even fashioning a (very crude) "restroom" for themselves there.
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  • Police Dispatch

    Must've Been His Roommate's Beer
      A guy was very wishy-washy (and nonsensical) regarding whether he'd stolen beer from a grocery store and whether he'd assaulted a female shopper.
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  • Police Dispatch

    A True Bagman
      Sheriff's deputies took one more local "seafood pusher" off the streets after they caught a guy in a southwest-side Walmart with numerous bags of frozen shrimp shoved down his pants.
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  • Police Dispatch

    Swank Sweatshirt Swindler
      A fashion-forward young man attending the UA had his dorm room mysteriously burglarized—and although all that was taken were three sweatshirt ... well, they were very expensive ones.
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  • Police Dispatch

    The Nonsmoking Gun
      A trailer-park woman who'd just quit smoking wielded an apparent rifle—later judged to have been a BB gun—at her neighbors' family due to her annoyance with their barking dogs.
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