Just Plain Dumb

Friday, January 22, 2016

Paranoia Strikes Deep: Stoned Weed Smugglers Call Cops on Themselves

Posted By on Fri, Jan 22, 2016 at 11:45 AM

EastIdahoNews.com has posted the audio of two pot smugglers who got a bad case of The Fear after smoking their own stash:
Authorities have released a 911 phone call from a drug trafficking arrest that has people shaking their heads.

The call, released by the Rexburg Police Department and obtained by EastIdahoNews.com, details an incident nearly a year ago on Jan. 23, 2015, when two out-of-state drug traffickers got high and called police to turn themselves in.

Leland Ayala-Doliente, 22, and Holland Sward, 23, were traveling from Las Vegas to Bozeman, Montana, with some 20 pounds of marijuana. Court documents show the men were using marijuana during their trip and when they entered Idaho, they felt they were being followed by undercover police officers.

Rexburg Police Cpt. Randy Lewis told EastIdahoNews.com that at the time they weren’t being followed by anyone.

Once they reached Rexburg, the pair exited U.S. Highway 20, parked their car and called 911. They said they just wanted the police to stop following them. 

Monday, November 30, 2015

The People Behind Cards Against Humanity are Still Terrible, Hilarious

Posted By on Mon, Nov 30, 2015 at 12:00 PM

I mean, they made themselves pretty clear. - CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY
  • Cards Against Humanity
  • I mean, they made themselves pretty clear.

Holiday shopping is inherently bad for savings accounts. Sometimes it seems like you're blowing through your budget and basically getting nothing in return. Sometimes you're depleting your budget and actually getting nothing.  

Remember last Black Friday when 30,000 people bought actual poop from Cards Against Humanity for $6 a pop? This year, the card game team wasn't looking to sell anything—They were more excited about the idea of buying some things for themselves.

They say:
This year we offered our customers the ultimate Black Friday experience - the ability to buy nothing from us for $5. We took our entire store offline, and put up a simple payment form where people could give us $5.

11,248 people gave us $5, and 1,199 people gave us more than $5 by filling out the form more than once. One enthusiastic fan gave us $100. In the end, we made a windfall profit of $71,145.

Cards Against Humanity is known for our charitable fundraising - since 2012 we've raised nearly $4 million for organizations we love like Worldbuilders, the Sunlight Foundation, the EFF, DonorsChoose.org, the Wikimedia Foundation, and the Chicago Design Museum. We even started a $500,000 full-ride scholarship for women getting degrees in science.

There's been a lot of speculation about how we would spend the money from Black Friday, and we're happy to announce that this time, we kept it all.
 There's a (long) illustrated list of how the team spent the cash on their blog. 

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Oro Valley is the Place to be During a Zombie Apocalypse, Apparently

Posted By on Thu, Oct 29, 2015 at 2:58 PM


Did you, like me, naively think that we had exhausted the zombie apocalypse genre for a while? Apparently not.

Just in time for Halloween, a real estate company (seems like the obvious choice?) has released a list of the communities from each state best suited to survive an attack of these flesh-munching monsters. 

Oro Valley ranks in the middle of the list nationally, but as the safest place in Arizona. 

MSN lays it out:
To assess the zombie-readiness of each place, they judged each city by a combination of three factors: resources, defense, and demographics. The higher the overall score, the better equipped the region is to survive.

The cities that scored highly in the resources category were those with lots of hardware stores, sources of water, grocery stores or crop farms.

Your first instinct when faced with the possibility of total human destruction may be to just run, armed with whatever you may have picked up, with no particular destination in mind. But keep in mind that fighting off the undead is half the battle of surviving a zombie apocalypse—the other is making sure you have enough resources to keep yourself alive. Without a source of water, access to food (whether it’s canned or grown), and tools to create or reinforce a shelter, you might as well offer up your brains on a platter. With these metrics in mind, the Midwest, Pacific Northwest are the best places to build your zombie-proof home.

If you want to make sure you can defend yourself, areas with access to guns, ammunition manufacturing and military bases are the best places to go.

Luckily, areas with high concentrations of gun stores and ammunition manufacturing are scattered all throughout the country (especially in Nevada). If you weren’t a fan of the Second Amendment before, all it takes is an army of frenzied zombies to make you a convert.

Finally, towns with low population density and predominantly young, educated populations were deemed fit to adapt best to such an apocalyptic event.
I'm personally not sure how Oro Valley is pulling out ahead in any competition that favors a "predominantly young" population. Still, if the next guy you match with on Tinder seems a little too into your brains, head north. 

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Thursday, October 22, 2015

Ally Miller, Constitutional Scholar

Posted By on Thu, Oct 22, 2015 at 5:00 PM

Pima County Supervisor Ally Miller has taken to Facebook to express her criticism of the idea that some Republicans are concerned that real estate tycoon Trump is hurting the GOP's chances of retaking the White House.

Miller posed a simple question: "Again...doesn't the constitution read: "of the people, By the people, for the people."

Is this a trick question?

Guess somebody didn't watch enough Schoolhouse Rock as a kid. No worries, Ally: The world will little note, nor long remember, what you say on Facebook.

Friday, May 29, 2015

The Loft Cinema Forced to Pull Team America from July 4th Event

Posted By on Fri, May 29, 2015 at 10:30 AM

Back in December the country was ablaze with the news from Sony Pictures that Seth Rogen and James Franco's North Korean comedy The Interview would no longer be allowed to screen due to terrorist threats surrounding the movie's release. Around that time The Loft Cinema was planning their annual fourth of July movie sing-a-long bash featuring Paramount's Team America: World Police.

However, it seems the nonexistent backlash of The Interview has Paramount spooked and they've decided to not allow The Loft Cinema to screen the movie for their event. In a statement released online on Thursday, May 28, the theatre explains that, despite several attempts to get a response from Paramount, the company "seems to be stuck in the hysteria of mid-December 2014."

Are we angry that an apparently dead issue is blocking our ability to celebrate America’s birthday? Yes!

Are we miffed that we’re being denied the ability to show this ridiculous little puppet movie for the 10th year in a row? You betcha!

Are we irritated that our annual potty-mouthed celebration of FREE F***IN’ SPEECH is being silenced? Yeppers!

Are we going to sit back and do nothing about it? Hell no!

You can expect an announcement of a replacement program soon. It won’t be Team America, but it will be patriotic, it will involve singing, and it will be FUN. May God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America. 
What musical do you think the Loft should play in lieu of Team America to celebrate the fourth of July?

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Friday, April 10, 2015

Samantha Bee Tells Arizona to Get its Shit Together When it Comes to Rapists and Custody

Posted By on Fri, Apr 10, 2015 at 11:00 AM

Okay, well, not just Arizona.  But we are behind Florida (FLORIDA) on this one.

Turns out, in some states (including ours) women who have a child as the result of rape have a rough time winning full custody of their children. As the Daily Show's Samantha Bee puts it, if you have a child as a result of rape you might have to meet your rapist in a Denny's parking lot every Saturday to hand off your child. To your rapist. That's not okay.

From Jezebel:
You’d think legislation to guarantee women who have been raped full custody of the children born of those rapes would be pretty easy to pass right? Well, as Samantha Bee learned on The Daily Show Wednesday night, not so much.

Bee spoke with Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Shauna Prewitt, an advocate for women to have the right to full custody of their children without going through a legal battle for them, an issue some states have prevented but a startlingly large number of others have not. Wasserman Schultz’s Rape Survivor Child Custody Act had bipartisan support, but as Bee frustratingly found out, the original bill didn’t pass because it “actually spends money” — $5 million a year for five years, to be specific.


Where are my emotional support baby chickens?

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Monday, December 1, 2014

Going Out the Way I Came In: Muppet Videos

Posted By on Mon, Dec 1, 2014 at 12:30 PM

I'm crossing my fingers that Insane Clown Posse do something interesting in the next three days so I can really pay tribute to my Range-muses, but in the meantime, it only seems right that someone posted a Muppets vs. 90's-hip-hop video mashup on YouTube yesterday, so I could have something to post. Thanks, internet!

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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

You Were Wondering Who Same Sex Marriage Hurts? This Woman, That's Who

Posted By on Tue, Oct 7, 2014 at 10:39 AM

Image courtesy of Shutterstock
  • Image courtesy of Shutterstock

Monday's choice by the Supreme Court's to decline to hear several cases regarding same-sex marriage didn't mean same-sex couples now have a constitutional right to marry, but it did mean that in 30 states, same-sex couples can marry, either by the state's decision or through this Supreme Court non-ruling.

So, of course, people ARE FREAKING OUT about how the gays are going to ruin all the straight marriages, human sacrifices, dogs and cats are going to live together, mass hysteria, basically.

Hat tip to The Stranger's David Schmader for finding the saddest story ever, an op-ed reprinted by the Deseret News from Janna Darnelle, a Utah woman who had her life ripped apart and who won't stand for this tragedy to be repeated:

Every time a new state redefines marriage, the news is full of happy stories of gay and lesbian couples and their new families. But behind those big smiles and sunny photographs are other, more painful stories. These are left to secret, dark places. They are suppressed, and those who would tell them are silenced in the name of “marriage equality.”

But I refuse to be silent.

I represent one of those real-life stories that are kept in the shadows. I have personally felt the pain and devastation wrought by the propaganda that destroys natural families.

The sad part: Darnelle's husband left her in 2007 after ten years of marriage, announcing he is gay. Totally fair that Darnelle and her two children were devastated by that news. She certainly had expectations for how her life was going to be and this interruption was surely awful. Darnelle, unfortunately seems to believe that her husband woke up one day and decided to be gay, which is unlikely, but let's give her the fact that the "marriage" part of her life has been rough.

However, then the editorial gets a little unhinged:

USA Today did a photo journal shoot on my ex and his partner, my children, and even the grandparents. I was not notified that this was taking place, nor was I given a voice to object to our children being used as props to promote same-sex marriage in the media...

After our children’s pictures were publicized, a flood of comments and posts appeared. Commenters exclaimed at how beautiful this gay family was and congratulated my ex-husband and his new partner on the family that they “created.” But there is a significant person missing from those pictures: the mother and abandoned wife. That “gay family” could not exist without me.

There is not one gay family that exists in this world that was created naturally.

They took photos of her children STANDING NEXT TO GAYS. THE INJUSTICE.

Of course, it gets even worse for these kids as they've been absorbed in the Nightmarish Gay Underworld:

My children are brought to gay parties where they are the only children and where only alcoholic beverages are served. They are taken to transgender baseball games, gay rights fundraisers and LGBT film festivals...My son is now a maturing teen, and he is very interested in girls. But how will he learn how to deal with that interest when he is surrounded by men who seek sexual gratification from other men? How will he learn to treat girls with care and respect when his father has rejected them and devalues them?...

My daughter suffers too. She needs a dad who will encourage her to embrace her femininity and beauty, but these qualities are parodied and distorted in her father's world. Her dad wears makeup and sex bondage straps for Halloween. She is often exposed to men dressing as women...What is my little girl to believe about her own femininity and beauty? Her father should be protecting her sexuality. Instead, he is warping it.

The son? clearly going to end up gay as well. The daughter? Who even knows? Clearly, because of the rainbow-colored hellscape this woman is dealing with, we need to shut down gay marriage. And possibly ban bondage straps.

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