Monday, February 9, 2015

Lying is Important to Relationships, New York Times Says

Posted By on Mon, Feb 9, 2015 at 11:00 AM

Have the heart-shaped chocolate boxes and suddenly sky-high flower prices got you feelin' the romance? Well (good news?), the New York Times says if you want to make your relationship work, you should probably be doing some lying. 

According to Good Lovers Lie, an opinion piece by Clancy Martin, "on average in an ordinary conversation, people lie two to three times every 10 minutes." That seems a little excessive, doesn't it? Still, if we're lying all the damn time, should honesty ever really be an expectation in a relationship?

Martin reasons that the people who find themselves particularly devastated by their lover's lies have unrealistic expectations of truth.

From Martin's piece:
When it comes to love, both honesty and deception should be practiced in moderation. Only then can we celebrate the intoxicating illusions of love. Odysseus, Cleopatra, Scheherazade, Don Quixote, Don Juan, Molly Bloom—all of our greatest lovers have been fabulists, equivocators, promoters ... liars. Even Penelope, that great model of fidelity—do we really believe that she kept all those suitors around for 20 years just by weaving and unweaving a tapestry (itself a deception)? Or was weaving by day and unweaving by night Homer’s metaphor for the much more complicated — actually, much simpler, more human, more believable—activity she was truly engaged in?
Martin is twice divorced. He says that in his second marriage, which ended after his wife found out his was unfaithful, the lies weren't the worst thing he did. "The self-deception and denial didn’t help matters, but my real failure was a lack of care and commitment." Sure, that makes sense.

In his current marriage, he and his wife keep the "good lies" rolling—think the “You’re the most beautiful woman in the room" kinda thing.

Martin shies away from the tougher questions. He broaches the topic of good lies and bad lies (in his view, that seems to be a lies someone wants to hear/lies that keep you in unfulfilling situations split), but doesn't really offer a metric to help on a situational basis.

Now, I'm not saying Martin should be your relationship spirit guide. I am, however, writing from the beautiful city of Philadelphia, so it only feels right to let Ben Franklin wrap this one up:   

click to enlarge Thanks for the advice, Ben.
  • Thanks for the advice, Ben.

Tags: , , , , ,


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Previously in the Range

More by Chelo Grubb

Today | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon
Burlesque Fitness

Burlesque Fitness @ Floor Polish

Mondays, Wednesdays, 4:30-5:30 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

Staff Pick

Summer Safari Nights

Summer Safari Friday Nights 2018 Date: Every Friday until August 3, 2018 6:00 pm — 8:00 pm… More

@ Reid Park Zoo Fri., May 18, 6-8 p.m., Fri., May 25, 6-8 p.m., Fri., June 1, 6-8 p.m., Fri., June 8, 6-8 p.m., Fri., June 15, 6-8 p.m., Fri., June 22, 6-8 p.m., Fri., June 29, 6-8 p.m., Fri., July 6, 6-8 p.m., Fri., July 13, 6-8 p.m., Fri., July 20, 6-8 p.m., Fri., July 27, 6-8 p.m. and Fri., Aug. 3, 6-8 p.m. 3400 E Zoo Court

» More Picks

Submit an Event Listing

Popular Content

  1. I Know I Said I Wouldn't Give Teachers Advice, But . . . (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  2. Cinema Clips: Cargo (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  3. Arlo Needs a Home (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  4. The Weekly List: 23 Things To Do In Tucson This Week (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)
  5. UA's 'Freedom School' Isn't Free Of Costs Or Hiring Restrictions (The Range: The Tucson Weekly's Daily Dispatch)

© 2018 Tucson Weekly | 7225 Mona Lisa Rd. Ste. 125, Tucson AZ 85741 | (520) 797-4384 | Powered by Foundation